I like Andy Kindler's take on origin stories: "Hey, let's do a show/movie about Batman before he was interesting!"

But who's chasing who???

Tough youth:"It's like Christmas out here you could steal City Hall!"
Hero: "What was that you say?" [Figures out bad Guy's entire plan]

Spoiler alert: They all become Departed!

Next we need an AV Club article tracing the origins and evolution of the phrase "salad days".

Don't be that guy!

He tried the same move as the guy who called Hans Gruber "buby" with the same result. When will they ever learn???

Triggered!

Is that like Garfield minus Garfield?

What? You haven't shat in your suit at the airport before?

I think he should call out the AV Club commenters by name and really lay into them. Get em, David! Drag them out of their cozy little anonymous internet holes!

True. Also, remember for years suitcases didn't have wheels? People were lifting and lugging around 50 pound bags without a single wheel in sight. I find that so odd…

What did he expose his genitals while delivering the jokes?

It kinda doesn't make sense either. Luggage gets damaged and/or people buy a ton of extra shit at the airport sometimes, right? It's a knee-jerk chuckler though, so not bad to fill a minute of routine I guess.

I'm going to lose internet points for this, but this guy was amazing in Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. He stole the show and made the movie actually tolerable to an adult stuck watching it with his kids.

Here here! It was great the first couple seasons. It almost had a "Wrestler" theme going where he was awful at everything in his life but could fight fires uncannily, and that's where he was most at home.

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!

Stop jizzing on men's beach volleyball.

The crazier thing is you immediately went there to check out the scene after hearing the news!

He realizes it's a TV show, and that the rapes and murders weren't really happening, doesn't he?