“In Panzer Corps 2's campaign, the centrepiece of the game, you play a German General of Nazi Germany tasked with building an army then taking it through the entire Second World War recreating the battles in which the Wehrmacht committed and enabled war crimes.”

“Panzer Corps 2's campaign has been designed to simply…

I had to watch the episode in five second bursts, though the fallout wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared.

Weirdly aggrandizing and full of promises he can’t deliver on?

“ and completely fabricated events that never happened”

I mean...

... I hate to break this to you about the original but

Made three attempts to play this game. To this day I could not explain to you what its combat system was or how to play it - I certainly never solved it at the time, as it largely seemed to play itself, making my involvement irrelevant.

It’s like they saw how the gambit system took the tedious part of gameplay out of…

I put thirty hours into this game

Each time it was the same opening ten hours three times, at which point I resolutely gave up on a story that was trying far too little to make me give a shit about these inscrutable people and their downright opaque problems.

The jokes about motion smoothing killed me but C+ seems both generous and too harsh. This was not ‘bad’ television, but it was mediocre: Bluebird never justifies its 11 minute running time, and while Sunstroke is funny its whole ‘meta-narrative’ undermines anything it was trying to say.

Who is the spiky woman in the cover photo?

Few things piss me off more than PC gremlins’ blasé belief that the only thing keeping people for pouring thousands of dollars into a gaming PC is our ignorance of the possibility, and not - y’know - that’s possible to love PC gaming even though you’re poor and long for it to be affordable rather than a masturbatory…

That is the weirdest reading of Goldberg’s presence in Star Trek, since it always reads to me like Uhura’s biggest fan was psyched out of her fucking mind to be on Star Trek and thought it was the coolest shit ever that she got to play a Mystic Bartender on the Enterprise and flirt with Patrick Stewart.

There are two mice in Pinky in the Brain, Michael. Both Pinky and Brain are mice. There is also a mouse named Larry! And another named Zeppo.

Snowball is a hamster, and Elmira is a mistake.

Yeah yeah Chrono Trigger yada whatever - can we talk about what BULLSHIT it is that Chrono Cross has yet to get any kind of HD remaster?

Oh, you mean in the sense of hobbies, not in the sense of the late 19th century aesthetic movement.

Well I sure as heck won’t be voting for it now.

After the end of the second Bush administration Republicans realized that they were facing a demographic time bomb, and they faced a choice: abandon the social conservatism that was so overwhelmingly unpopular with younger voters, or double-down on its most extreme elements and play the Festung card of a siege…

But why would so few people have VR heads- oh, right, even by the standards of the ‘frivolous entertainment’ market they’re insanely expensive and of such limited utility that if you’re not a fan of a very narrow genre of games there’s zero reason to purchase one.

I mean that guy who spent 1.4 mill on that one video…

I was kind of excited for this movie.

Now I’m hearing it came out already?

And bombed?

I feel that way any time I walk around a suburb.

“Ugh, what a bunch of pretentious garbage full of shit,” I say to myself. “It’s like I’m inside a David Cage game.”

Nah, Google caught that just fine.

This article is written like this is some A-list celebrity instead of... a jobbing actor.

Wow!

Who... who is Ana Gasteter?

*One Google Later*

Well that answered nothing.