A buncha old Cadillac V8-6-4 engineers are laughing their assess off right about now.

Irregardless.

Jalopnik should sue, because its readers have apparently demonstrated prior use of “torques” which is, linguistically, identical (see Lexis-Nexis vs Lexus).

that’s not wide hips.

Wait a minute:

And they’re not professionals.

you misspelled “penis”

Word. That thing looks like a ten dollar piece of electronics at a Manhattan store. For example:

...who can’t afford it, and who post on obscure internet blogs about how they’ll buy it used in 10 years.

Nobody, because the professional would be way past F&F/boy racer/ugly cladding like that.

The problem, then, is people. Specifically, that a larger quantity of people exists than the earth in its present state is capable of handling.

...says the guy who never had one.

Shouldn’t this headline be “How Never To Attract The Opposite Sex”?

exactly. This makes me think of Bill Hicks talking about Jay Leno shilling for Doritos:

Car Talk did this as a puzzler years back, only it wasn’t a bike, it was a Land Rover or similar.

He thinks this will get him laid.

Isn’t this just drifting, but in place?

now now, we’re not talking about the stock Golf grocery getter here.

an aggressive overhaul strategy for its car dealers to make them into actual premium luxury stores and not slightly nicer Chevrolet lots.