DTMF

Tell that guy to get the fuck out of the house. That’s some high class bull shit. No one should treat you that way, especially if you work full time and go to school in the evening.

This is the real A Christmas Story.

This is the best story ever.

As a mom with two boys: pleeeease bring it up!! She never, ever will to protect you, but you definitely should find a Mother’s Day card for her, maybe Etsy, best with a massager on it, and just write it out like you’ve done here.

When I was around 13 or so I was dropped off at the mall to get Christmas presents for the family. No 13 year old boy is good at such things. I was struggling. But there was this kiosk, maybe Sharper Image or something like that with all kinds of cool things for gifts. I saw this mini back massager, maybe $15 bucks or…

So do it because it is in your heart. Some may see it as performative ally-ship but to those people I ask “Why is it better for white people to wait and let POC take all the risks? Isn’t that part of the fucking problem?”

Most people are also dumbass twats so I’ve been in for a long ride since birth, I’m used to it.

Antifa either doesn’t exist, doesn’t represent the Left, or is doing God’s work, depending on what day it is and what narrative needs to be pushed.

Yup. Y’all realize “alt-left” is just, like...the actual left, yeah?

Imma go with Bryce Dallas Howard.

“🌻”

Yeah, no, not siding with cheaty mccheaterpants. People fish for ______ for so many other things, I’m ok with someone using that “disappears in a few hours, but someone’s gonna screenshot it and it will live in infamy” feature of Instagram for this if they’ve used it for everything else.

Im siding with the verbose cheater because social media pity-fishing is so obnoxious.

“When I was a young fag...”

I can also vomit on command! I have gotten out of tickets that way.

Vomiting on command is the world’s worst superpower. It’s like you and the sea cucumber, who vomits its intestines onto things when it’s frightened.

when guys try to finger you like they are tenderizing a steak

I think that this scene has, unfortunately, come into my head (lol pun kind of intended) every single time I’ve given a blow job.

Yes. Why don’t guys understand how hard a blow job is?! IT’S CALLED A BLOW JOB!