@Uncommon_Whore: When I think of nannies, I immediately think of sexy nanny outfits.

@eraserface: The customer chuckles. "No, no. I don't have to pay. Look at my dick."

@emaline: It's a really bad joke, because I'm kind of serious, and it's not a funny subject.

@Sars Also Misses MizJenkins: Rule of thumb for bartenders- Any guy that buys a Long Island Iced Tea for a girl is a rapist.

@ayared: I shouldn't have said "Are you twelve?"

@ayared: You're right- when women drink, they are asking for it.

@donopolis: There's less money in caring about women than in fighting drugs.

Dear Chief of Police David Brown,

@topsully:

@johnnyabnormal: Take Miley Cyrus, for example.

@johnnyabnormal: A friend of mine's father sedated a mountain lion with tainted food and then packed it into a suitcase, which he and his friends then left in a walmart parking lot between some empty cars. A group of guys looked around and took it, then drove off with it.

@ihatetwitter: I think the biggest appeal of the video, is it looks like it's 9:30 am on a Saturday morning. What a great time. Also, there's a girl in it.

@Mars478: And then within that folder, hide it in one of these three folders:

@empty.bin: Scream was on sometime this week. I imagine being the poor woman "reporting" on the wedding is like being Gale Weathers.

@luckey: Sometimes, when I see that Jersey Shore, or The Hills, or Super Sweet Sixteen, or Growing Up Gotti, or Real Housewives, or Real L Word, or Big Brother, or...

Does he charge extra to have a portrait of Don Johnson facing the car while he cleans it?

@glenaypia: No YOUR shellfish.

@dallasmay: Yeah, jerks.

@partysausage: [shaveeverywhere.com]

@kellyfever: I used to like Alternative Apparel but their models started wearing bras.