Agreed.

I've said it before, but I just can't stay on the Paul Walker Grief Train knowing about his penchant for teenagers. It's still sad that he died, of course, but this huge outpouring is unnerving. Let's just say the sadness is tempered by a full-body skin crawl.

OK. If we aren’t allowed to ignore the Kardashians can we please ignore the Duggars? Hasn’t our culture been battered enough?

Have you ever had a pickle shot? Vodka, a little bit of pickle juice, and a pickle garnish. Quite tasty.

Pickle juice is great

A girl did this in my high school. She made me feel bad because i sad something like “what, do you have cancer or something?” sarcastically when she was acting all glum. I told her then she was an asshole for trying to make me feel guilty for something i could not have possibly known about and everyone thought I was a…

Getting lost can be really scary and confusing. Is there someone safe we can call together? I’ll tell them right where you are and they can come and get you.

Happy Birthday! Here is some nsfw Fassbender, since he’s your b-day twin and all. No other motives, obviously.

Believe me, if there’s a major American city that doesn’t exhibit the residual effects of mid 20th century redline housing practices (or, as you call it, “hush hush segregation,”) I’d be living there right now.

UGH. This is like the opposite, but just as awful, way the media treated the female friend of Trayvon Martin at the trial, she was on the phone with him when he got murdered.

I LOVE THIS. Please make it real. If I had actual free time I would try to get you to let me in on this idea so we could create a two-woman fake news podcast covering stories of the day in exactly this manner.

Maybe she will. That could be her thing. But then, why not say she’s stuck with a murderous psychopath? What’s a “thug” in this case? What differentiates a “thug” from any other multiple murderer?

What if we treated white men like this just for, like, an hour a year? So they know what it’s like.

When things like this are published, it reflects poorly on the entire newspaper/blog/journal. Not a single editor looked at this and said no?

People in Boston—racist? I thought all that hush-hush segregation was just for funsies.

HOOOOOLY SHITTT. Somebody set Peter Gelzinis up with a column at The Onion.

...wow. I’ll let you know if I ever get my eyebrows to lower back into their normal position.

Seems like January Jones has a thing for blandly handsome comedians who’ve starred on SNL.

To be fair, has anyone named Crystal ever exceeded our expectations?

Idk, I actually kind of love it. It’s the first non-completely-fucking-boring look I’ve seen her in. Adore that hair color, would do asap if it didn’t incur so much damage and maintenance, and if it weren’t such a right-this-minute trend.