Every piece of Randall’s work about his girlfriend/wife’s cancer was just really well done.

My 37th birthday was last week, and I got taken out to dinner by a super cute guy 10 years younger and got laid. The days after that I went to a beer festival, went to the river with friends, got drunk, got high, got laid again, and then went on a boat in a different river, at which point I proceeded to get drunk and…

Amandla Stenberg has already called out Kylie’s appropriation and it fell on deaf ears. Look at Khloe always acting like she’s from the hood with her Compton baseball hat. It’s cool when they do it and chic but ghetto when us ethnic girls do it.

Imagine being married to Trump.

Age 4. New house in the suburbs. My new best friend is at my birthday party. The lights are dimmed. The song commences and I slip under the table and bite the ever loving dog shit out of my new besties leg. Mom whacked me in the nose several times shouting “let her go!”. No one sings that song to me anymore.

Imagine being married to Peter Griffin.

PLEASE SOMEBODY TELL ME I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE

I’ll be 33 next month and I don’t even have a dishwasher or a balcony/patio so yeah I’m feeling great & no, I’m not crying. Who even wants a wants a range rover, they’re gross!

...including the Ferrari Tyga gave her for her 18th birthday.

The older I get the more I find being married to Homer as the most depressing thing

My mom prohibited Disney, but not because of any thematic content—she hated the thought that we’d read a fairy tale, like Cinderella, and then if we saw the Disney version, their depiction of the characters would forever erase whatever we had imagined. I think that’s a powerful critique, one I’ve tried to follow…

If I had the choice of working at company I couldn’t care less about and my supervisors were horrible and I was constantly stressed about deadlines and coworkers, and being a stay-at-home parent, I’d choose the latter.

I know you’re kidding but I gotta say . . . I think having affection for a movie that depicts a guy falling in love with a beautiful woman who has no concept of how to live an independent life on dry land, has no experience of the real world, and LITERALLY CAN’T SPEAK would be . . . more likely to ruin your adulthood?…

This sounds like a coverup to me. I assume what actually happened is that she unhinged her jaw, stretched her mouth open to the size of a manhole cover, and then seized these staffers with her tentacles, shoving their bodies whole into her gaping maw, later regurgitating their bones and clothes in compact pellets.

I know someone whose kid is an absolute nightmare, yet she posts cutesy photos of him on instagram all the time. I don't know if she's trying to convince us or herself that her kid is an angel, but we all know he's a walking birth control advert

Mom...

“You went to Lollapalooza for BIG FUN!”