Her hair is pulled back, her lips are full, her eyes huge and alien, her head alien also, too big for her body, for her narrow shoulders and skinny waist—alien in that big-headed Martian way, proportions that Hollywood and conspiracy theorists use to denote species of a higher evolutionary order, whether of good or…

Ramona’s old-timey “brassiere” and ready-for-any-situation diaphragm were the highlights of this episode.

I recommend picking your nose and putting a nice green one on them. Takes care of their wee little boner (bye-bye) and psychologically screws them up - justice. Other options: 1) stab them with a pen and pretend you were falling. 2) Cough in their face and tell them you have strep. 3) Take their picture and laugh at…

Sometimes I get sad because if I die none of you will know. It’ll just be like oh. Well she stopped posting.

I couldn’t remember “buns” once for hamburgers so I called them bread lids. Now my dad and I do it on purpose.

Additional evidence: At our 4th of July BBQ, 18 weeks pregnant, I couldn’t remember the word “cake” and tried explaining to my confused husband that I wanted a slice of “sugar bread.”

This is a great idea. I can’t think of a more effective way of making my house feel like its run by the TSA.

Li’l Bubs is almost a year old and I have never posted a single thing about him on social media publicly. No one besides my boyfriend and my dad (literally because he doesn’t have social media and wouldn’t post pictures online) were allowed to photograph my bump, I didn’t announce the birth or the pregnancy. The only…

It’s too much! Last week I received an invite to a gender reveal party for a couple’s 4th baby. FOURTH! I love them, but who really cares at this point? Just have a baby. I will buy diapers for a boy/girl/shark/tamale. Tell me when that happens but do not require me to spend an extra Saturday at the Regal Beagle…

“Why didn’t you post sooner??”

it drives me bananas, but i’m terrible at performance. so when people ask me if i’m “so excited” i answer them truthfully that “i do apprehensive way better than i do excited” or “moreso worried, but it’ll probably be fine” or “i don’t like to count my chickens before they hatch” or “more scared than excited, but it…

Wait til you graduate and people start asking you: “are you in debt?” “How much?” “Are your parent’s helping?” “Do you have a job?” “Are they paying some?” like do you want to see my tax return too? Can I see your mortgage payment?

Wow, no idea how she did it! The gossip-mongering public is usually all over the fertility status of lauded Nigerian feminist authors who give interviews to the Financial Times.

I know I’m just mad because I’m in college right now and every discussion with people outside my close friends and family is “So what’s your major? When are you going to graduate? Oh there’s a ton of jobs you get can with writing! The big jobs are in technical writing! Do you know what you’re going to do after you…

Yea and how you’re forced to have the same convo again and again. “Are you excited” “Omg so excited! Chubby cheeks and little shoes! I love them already!” and God forbid you say “not yet, I’m actually terrified and don’t feel any emotional connection yet”. It’s not so much being pregnant in public as being forced to…

I agree that the recruiter can wade tension greatly. The risk I’ve seen play out is that the recruiter is totally incentivized to make the deal. I turned down an offer recently when a recruiter tried late in the game to bridge a salary gap too far, she was professional and I can’t fault her for that. However, my wife…

I wonder if this family ever actually talks about real stuff ‘in private’ or have they just given up and surrendered their lives to LARPing 24/7?

Kardashians, ranked:

And it’s slightly *gasp* aging.

I’d buy a case of those if I ever actually saw the bags. My whole family would get nut-kickin’ Doritos at Christmas.