@I_can_still_pitch: Really? I assumed he had the hots for her male backup dancers, or maybe the dude from the Paparazzi video.

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Please don't forget poisoning people via a toxic virus that leaves charcoal in their lungs by drinking vodka on video! (I think I've got the interpretation correct there.)

Nothing makes my rescue Doberman happier than being out in hot, humid weather because then he can deploy his Amazing Wonder Tongue** and slobber all over everything within a six-foot radius of his head.

@Cairn: Some of the vodka was still in her stomach — hadn't hit her bloodstream yet. #dianeschuler

@Nic Fit: Yeah, that was my first reaction, too... I am married, but kids are NOT on the agenda, and I'm no layabout kidult. I consider myself to be pretty successful professionally and I'm keeping a rescue Doberman, geriatric ferret and orphan kitten all happy and healthy, so I'm not exactly John Mayer with D-cups. #…

@cate3710: Ohhh, so no abortions for babies that have severe birth defects and whatnot, then. Is that right? Does either the bill or the amendment address that situation at all? #abortion

@funnyface: Actually, if she said "fuck" a lot and owned up to bisexual dalliances, I think I'd find her at least a smidgen more interesting. #sarahpalin

@WashingMyHair: Ooh, with an updo... Gotta have the updo. *pokes at bumps in sloppy ponytail* #sarahpalin

Can anybody address a question re. the following for me:

@BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): Really, all you need is the elastic around your wrist to avoid the inevitable eating-hair-during-fellatio moment... er, so I've heard. #cosmodecember09coverlies

@whynotshesaid: Yeah, but this is also the country whose religious leaders excommunicated a 9-year-old for having an abortion after being raped, although the rapist wasn't kicked out of the church. Dogma is an awful thing when it replaces compassion. #shortskirtexpulsion

Baguette?

@heykoukla: She'll cry her eyes out into custom pink, Hello Kitty tissues. #precious

@o-line: I know... I just did that, too.

@la.donna.pietra: Lol - I was just gonna ask somebody with Photoshop skills to slap Glenn's pudgy head onto that worm :-) #michelleobamagarden

It's the Dance of the Sugarplum Scary. #tamanramainternationalschool

@Ultraprison!: And no more tightie-whities (which should be banned on aesthetic grounds, anyway, IMO). #fetalpersonhood

I have a speakeasy-themed Halloween party this weekend, so I'm a little embarrassed to admit I'd love that first dress... although even if I had a spare $700, it wouldn't go towards a Halloween costume! Now why can't I just find a dress like that in a thrift store?? #jpeterman

Nooo! It's too early for bad news about a dog... Please rectify with a kitten/puppy/otter picture, stat.

@joutfit: @girl.of.your.dreams: OMG LOVE Jim Gaffigan!