Not pictured: Jason Whitlock masturbating furiously off-camera

Dogged by Mike Vick. That’s ruff man.

How could Amazon get a patent on something that already exists? Seriously, I know they “filed” for one, but there should be some kind of penalty for filing FRIVOLOUS PATENTS. Like if you file a patent on something that already exists, and it’s found frivolous, one of your patents randomly becomes invalid.  

Step 1: Turn off the Internet.

*Looks at her race dying off from opioids and drinking themselves to death*

“that’s why their race is either dead or in jail.”

because he’s gross.

Maybe he wasn’t paying them so he could pay child support? LOL.

Pickings must be slim in N.D.

Man, Ken Rosenthal really needs a publishing platform ...

I assume Jake Gyllenhaal is busy?

The main reason I disagree is that he doesn’t actually make any statements about whether next season offense will be any more successful than last season’s. He just says that they’re going to try to make more space, and doesn’t even say that they will succeed at it. I feel like he has a lot more to fear from his owner…

Don’t you “ummmm” at me, you little turd. I was referring to the Knicks, the team that this article is written about.

Wait, if Bamba’s mom gets shot at the end of all this, I’m going to be very upset.

The one black cop near the top, next to the truck bed, is the best part. He’s not about to kick this white dude on camera, but he’s not about to try to pull these other cops off of him either. Guy’s just playing out the clock and trying to avoid any misunderstandings.

If you are going to make a gay joke, at least make one person laugh.

Of all the things that I hate about LaVar, nothing bothers me as much as the weird thing he does with his hands as he walks.

“Emptying the tanks” was my favorite part of the commentary, because the poop wasn’t yet known. Hilarity ensues.

Would the boost in ticket sales and ad revenue (think how breathless ESPN would be) not offset it?

I find this promotion strange. Wasn’t the whole point of building that new stadium so white people can run away from non-white people?