Felony murder laws produce some crazy results. John and Don decide to hold up a liquor store. The clerk shoots John dead. Don is charged with John’s murder under a felony murder statute. I don’t know what the actual numbers are, but anecdotally, I hear a lot more about cases like that hypothetical, than I do of cases…

On top of everything else, the felony murder laws are horribly abused in this country often, like this, as a tactic to bully people into plea deals.

Wait, who were we talking about?

But for real, Bobby... that was perfect. The fact that there is nary a proper noun in this article is just.... excellent. I salute you!

It’s her! She’s pregnant!

Am I old? Who are these people?

Another brutal thing? Teachers make less than actors. Homeless children. My foot hurts.

She is just making comments, which are valid and have a point. There is a great deal of unfairness in the world; she is simply talking about one area. She can’t cover everything in one soundbite!

I know. ‘Why am I not guaranteed work? I have the right relatives!’

But when ageism really only affects one sex and not the other, is it really ageism?

“One really interesting thing about Ben Carson is that he was actually on the Titanic and the ship was going down, and he thought that was it! He was a dead man! But then God time travelled him into the future to save him. You’re probably like to present day? But nah I’m going to add a bunch of unnecessary details…

Don’t forget his heroic self-circumcision with paperclip!

Then, he stabbed his would be baby-mugger on the way home from the hospital, before befriending him and asking him to be his godfather. (Allegedly.)

What really happened is that the carjacker was actually the valet guy, the gas station was a restaurant and the only reason Ben Carson ran after him was because he left his wallet in the car.

Ben Carson delivered himself as a baby. He even snipped his own umbilical cord. Fact.

No. Being proud of her own success - at her career and at not getting pregnant - is not an implied criticism of other women.

This is why whenever I need to get some food, I just go to the supermarket and hang out by the checkout. I get to be in close proximity to people who have food, which is the same as having it, yourself.

Hell, it’s not even trickle down economics anymore. Apparently, you’re supposed to just be happy to be in the physical vicinity of that kind of money.

Corporations are people, so this logic holds up.

The logic works like this...the government has no right to interfere in a person’s life. But women aren’t people, so regulate away!