Kim....those are clouds.

You have to understand sarcasm to get mine.

Because of course Kanye West wouldn't touch these, right?

Dear Mrs. Duggar -

Have barn full of the fucks I do not give about celebrities but this Jolie person....this is not a celebrity. This is a PERSON.

I love you a bunch.

Lost my credit card and thought, "Ah, but I have the number right here in my....GODDAMMIT." A painful reminder that we don't own what we think we own and also, that Lifelock is a huge jerk of a company.

I take a quick shower just about every time I come in from being outside for any length of time. I live in Pollenesia USA and I have asthma. It does use a bit of water but is preferable to those awkward gasping for breath spells. Even if you just wash your face and hands, it's helpful.

Not being a jerk, but I do not understand this:

We don't care if they quietly jerk off where we can't see it. We care if they do it in public, as a threat to another inmate, in front of a female officer (really, "at" a female officer, it's insolent and a sexual threat) and we care if they are gathering it in a cup to throw at us. It has nothing to do with denying…

Thank you, I was a bit surprised there wasn't. I'm used to that shit and that rocked me back a little because I didn't expect it ( and it was a kid, which is always worse). I don't think the pictures were entirely necessary but then I'm an old fogey. Hand me my shawl, honey.

I grew up with rednose pitbulls. Smart, sweet and eminently lovable. All home grown. My dad used them to run cattle and they were still nice enough to be housedogs. I sometimes think the problem is that ignorant people get pitties as a power thing, and let them run loose, and they end up becoming predatory as any…

I have to represent Lesser But Still Heroic Cats - Calpurrnia, who attacked a red-tail hawk that was trying to kill one of my hens (all parties survived) and Atticus Pawticus, who went from a big sweet throw-pillow of a cat to a Warg when a new home-care nurse came to visit my dying mother. I dismissed the nurse…

And there are few more kid-friendly, truly joyful dogs than boxers.

Chows, like a lot of Asian breeds, are dicey animals. I would LOVE to meet an Asian dog trainer because I know they cherish their animals and have control over them. Maybe we use the wrong breeding practices. I've handled Chows in dog training and they are, to a dog, psychotic. They're as intelligent as they are…

I'm Team All-Animals and I have to say: there's no fucking excuse for that dog. Unprovoked attack, outside his territory, and you can tell the dog saw the kid and went for him and was DRAGGING HIM like prey. No mercy here; that animal needs to be destroyed yesterday. The cat, however, needs to run for president.

I get the little five inch cherry pies. You know, the single serving portions.

Thank you, now I have to put on pants and go to Publix for mixed berry yogurt.

Thank you, Timothy. We may have Florida Man but Florida also has Publix and I think that balances it out.

I was paying close to $65 a bag for a feed made from wild salmon and gold dust and then I saw my beautiful Collie blissfully eating a decomposing squirrel the cat murdered and left in the mud. He now gets Pedigree.