And well they might be for the coordinated among us but I will never forget having mine bounce out of my hand like Serena Williams had back handed it, fly over the top of the stall and land in the middle of the floor in a public bathroom...well maybe it just bounced out under the door like a little rubber bunny but in…

You GO, little guy. Kept his head and saved his life. Although...I kind of wonder if he'd ever read "The Ransom of Red Chief..."

A little off topic but I think it is freaking awesome that your mom is an aircraft mechanic. That rocks.

Deep deep South here, and "high yellow" (pronounced "high yaller") was "a vulgar term" (as my grandmother put it) in the polite South as long as I can remember. You said...if you were called upon to comment upon personal appearance, which was also vulgar...that a person was "light complected" regardless of the race. …

You mean like Andrea Yates? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Ya…) Andrea drowned her five children in the depths of her unmedicated, treated-by-prayer postpartum "blues". Blues, Alicia Silverstone? I don't know if it's the dairy or the red meat but I want to throat punch her SO MUCH.

But who is going to hold them over a bucket when they're 21?

I'd put my local Denny's up against Guy Fieri any day. Because as far as I can see he made up a bunch of crazy shit when he was high and then tried to cook it. I think it's a real plus when (1) the diner can understand what menu offers and (2) the menu does not cause the diner to retch quietly into his napkin. I'll…

Maybe everybody does this, but I toss the little packet and throw in an MSG free chicken boullion cube. Seems to work well. A friend introduced me to using a packet soup mix with dehydrated vegetables in the cooking water. It may be a nutrition nightmare but it carries well, keeps well, is cheap, comforting and…

You know how you can hear it when someone speaks an important truth? I hear the clarion tone of it from BunnyZea's heartsickening and courageous testimony....and I think this post needs a much wider venue, not to kick the skids out from under Dr WInfrey (who the hell cares about this whinging minge; if she is…

Good lord, is she saying that Oprah and Gayle could be...that word...JUGGALOS?

A brilliant idea. I was confused too. She didn't turn brown paper into planks, what she did was create homemade laminated panels, which are of course just printed paper over wood. I think that "Make your own faux wood flooring" is more to the point.

I wish you had been my family.

My favorite part of me is that although I am short, dumpy, pie-faced and old to boot, I can put you on the ground and dislocate your arm in three moves if I need to. I will be the baddest BAMF in the nursing home.

I was not aware that this problem had reared its ugly head again. I thought we solved it when we gave up hoopskirts and dresses made out of the velvet portiers.

Let me tell you something, my little ones. Women have been DIY since Jesus was a midshipman. Grab an 1880's housekeeping manual and read the parts about taking the stove apart, "turning" huge rugs and sewing new borders on them and painting ceilings with a horsehair brush and paint they just whipped up in the…

Steal my shit, and you'll end up in a jail cell with Bubba the Geek and no toilet paper. Steal my dog and they'll never even find your DNA.

With great shame I present: The Microwave Egg Cooker. It's a giant plastic egg. You put water in it and microwave according to the poorly written directions and you can produce disgustingly delicious runny eggs, soft eggs or hard eggs. It's less than $10 bucks and a great boon to those of us who are challenged by…

I am seriously looking for input on this. I've been in law enforcement all my adult life, and I know that a child, especially an infant, has a greater chance of being harmed or murdered by a male in the household than by a stranger. (Sadly, females are beginning to catch up, but infanticide by mothers is something…

You know, I'm going to come off sounding like a tightass old, but alcohol is such a destructive force. I don't know if we have more people with addictive tendencies or whether alcohol is just inherently addictive but it's a major player in so many tragedies. That flamebait being said, I am so, so sorry for your…

There's no downplaying the good police work of the RCMP and Interpol. He's filth and merits no mercy. But the predation, as horrible as it was, was only part of this child's nightmare. Her peers, who knew her, who saw her every day, are not just bullies - they preyed on her as well, and are maybe even more…