I’m okay with this.

Setting aside the sample distribution, the real problem with the sample stations is the congregation of morons waiting for the free samples, blocking the free passage of people like me simply wanting to stock up on toilet paper and alcohol.

Michelle Obama or bust.

Yeah, I’d rather not see Ellen DeGeneres perform an interpretive dance about the protests.

Lol, never change Little Beirut.

They also flipped and burned his car, leaving his ass to walk home.

Look, it worked in L.A. in 1992.

He was probably on duty, too,

That’s the kind of critical thinking we need in a time of crisis.

Hey now, this isn’t an article; it’s an ad video.

Sorry, Austin.

Yeah, but Tom’s already taken. Austin, on the other hand. Austin works.

Put a plastic mask on these and you can re-open all the bars.

These smaller domes can be replaced instead of cleaned at the table, and cleaned out of the way. Also, surface transmission is the lesser vector for this virus, so this solves the biggest problem: droplet transmission.

Just ash your cigarette into it: same great taste.

As long as we leave Texas behind, let me be the first to welcome our new Canadian overlords.

I’m partial to the pepperoni Kirkland pizza myself. It hits just the right notes of school lunch nostalgia, without falling into navel gazing sweetness. It’s an adult’s pizza, wholesome enough for kids.

They’re probably all kinfolk, so it’s probably ok.

Ah, yes, the White 911 Warbler, endemic to most of North America, but has been found in other habitats. Notice the lack of colorful plumage in the female, as most male White 911 Warblers are blind.

I had to call my moms like 10 time last week to really, really hammer home the fact that they should be in lock-down. (I think after the third call she was just fucking with me since I never call her. Lol, moms.)