Nobody’s got time to be fetching water when there’s beer to be made.

Are you Irish? That could be the missing ingredient.

Wild Wild West? Nah, it’s more like Children of Men.

Psst.....because...the Jews.

Don’t worry, Jesus always gets a mulligan.

The coffee version used coffee extract to print, so I’m wondering what the beer version uses? Because beer extract is just piss.

All they have to do is ask for permission, but they’re New Yorkers so fuck it.

I don’t usually comment on this site on account of being banned, but I just had to weigh in on this for those of us who prefer to shit indoors instead of in an outhouse. Also, indoor plumbing means tap water, ya numbnuts, which means beer.

No, you have a good one.

She shouldn’t have brought her thoughts & prayers to a gun fight.

You are kind of making the point for me, insinuating that we have no insight as to why he did what he did.

Don’t mind me just taking my Vitamin Corn Syrup supplement.

Whoever blew the whistle here should get ALL of the honorary degrees.

Homie Hankerson’s got a Pell in there. He done fucked up now, you know that, right?

She’s burning fast and bright, like a supernova.

He was demoted for lifting rhymes from other rappers.

The healthy label is going to lead to a lawsuit from some person who gets diabetes after eating a ton of strawberries.

They need to define natural as naturally occurring (i.e. no additives).

I heard it was actually just a Cornell student and not a real baby.

There are better ways to stick it to Donald: