Woah there, correlation !== causation. Might just be that the children who were more aggressive at 5 needed more spanking at 3 due to a predisposition towards undesirable behavior that was innate to the child. There’s a big difference between spanking causing aggression and a child that is spanked also being more…

Two things that seems painfully obvious but prove that if you’re not taught this in childhood then where else you gon’ learn it?:

I’ve been saving ok, but I still (half)joke given the instability of the financial markets and likely insolvency of social security, that I plan on spending my retirement eating steak...hoping that my family history of heart disease will get me before I run out of money.

Same. My retirement plan is a handgun or fortuitously timed cancer. Might get lucky and have a quick heart attack. Could Lifehacker do a series of articles on the positives and negatives of different poverty-motivated suicide techniques?

Countercounerpoint:

I’m sorry, but it had to be done:

Encryption...how does it work?

If you lived in Poland, circa 1939, you could have Hitler or you could have Stalin.

I have children and have considered selling other people’s children to a circus.

I have children and don’t know how to act around (other people’s) children.

Not even necessarily an audience — kids are learning to be socialized. Is it socially appropriate to cry? Am I expected to cry? Is crying a legitimate form of communication at this time? (Crying IS a form of communication, which is something we word-using grown-ups forget often.)

Can I just say that I really appreciate these Offspring articles, not because I have children (or plan to) but because I don’t know how to act around kids in general. It’s good to have some advice in the off chance I have to have interactions with them.

As someone raised in the 80's, I prefer the “Rocky IV” Method:

Bourbon. give the kid lots of bourbon. And make sure you suggest this to all your friends with children as it will guarantee no on will ever ask you to babysit!
If you’re opposed to giving a child alcohol (which will probably get you arrested, drink the bourbon yourself. However, unlike the kid, make sure you drink…

I was nannying my 3.5yo nephew when he fell in slo-mo from his bike, and duly started crying. I went full rational on him, and asked if he was crying because he was hurt, or got frightened. “I got frightened” “Will a hug fix it ?” “Yes” “Let’s have a big hug then”.

What I try to do with my nieces and nephews is ask (trying to sound angry or annoyed) “What’s wrong?” and “Why are you crying?”, even if I have seen why they might be crying, like they took a tumble or something. I usually follow it up with other questions, “Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? What can I do?” as a way of…

OOO let someone who doesn’t have kids try:

OK, you failed at spelling today.

I laughed, I cried.

Dad: “What did you fail at today?”
Kid: “Life.”
Dad: “Tell me something I don’t know.”
— Story of life for us bottom 35%ers...