Psh vinyl records? The real music is on wax phonograph cylinders.

Matt, I've been a fan of yours since before you moved to Gizmodo/io9/whatever. But I have to agree, in this piece, you sound like a hipster ass.

Maybe the article should mention that.

Make your own crappy blog with poorly designed, custom CMS software.

I also mistook this as a tech blog.

Silly goose! Did you mistake Alissa Walker as some sort of journalist? Also USB Power Adapters 30% Off Amazon Prime Deal of the Day!

Irrelevant to the point of the article. “Don’t send bottled water to Flint”. There is no significance in including any specific references to Amazon Prime.

Read: How else would they make money off the article through their advertising relationship with Amazon...

Yeah I kinda figured, but swing and a miss.

Ah the old “You have no right to critique anything unless you make your own version of the exact same thing”. That’s not banal or anything.

Amy Schumer literally ate my dog in front of my grandma. Well, she made a skit that was similar to a story I told first.

She’s a bit chipmunk-y, and it is a bit humorous. That’s alright. It’s one thing to be awful and say “UGLY ASS CHIPMUNK BITCH!” It’s another thing to non-judgementally point out her resemblance to a chipmunk. I like it when people look like animals or things. Hell, I’m ape-ish.

In the case of her face/chin, it looks like someone stretched skin over the bottom of their foot.

this part is my fav

Lisa Lopes Says She Was Offered $200,000 To Not Throw A Match

That’s “Dirtiest Sport Centred in Europe” if I've learned anything from tennis

It’s nice to see tennis catching up with cycling and soccer in the “Dirtiest Sport Centered in Europe” contest.

I haven’t heard worse Grand Slam allegations since the Denny’s diarrhea scandal of 1994-present.

Noooo...store bread in the freezer

Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger. But you don't see her with no D-Leaguers.