My brother and I both worked at the same bookstore for a while. Once, a woman told him "Y'all sure don't have much for people who don't read."

Someone once gave me a Chicken Soup book, I think it was Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul. Her reasoning was "I know you like to read."

Alfonso Ribiero, man.

Caesar the Ape walks into a Taco Bell, and orders a Baja Blast with vodka. Barry, the counter guy, thinking monkeys can't read, tries to charge him $10.75 for it, rather than $7.19, as it says on this menu:

The Seven Dwarves went to the Taco Bell drive-thru and ordered seven Mountain Dew Baja Blasts with Ketel One Vodka.

Truck horn sound!

I'm in Twitter Fight Club, and am breaking rules to tell you so.

Screamin' Jay Hawkins (July 18, 1929 – February 12, 2000)!

To deny people their human rights is to challenge their very humanity. - Nelson Mandela (18 July 1918 – 5 December 2013)

"[Isis], what's wrong, are you crying?" - coworker, when I had to cover my face laughing.

Seriously, y’all. Is this new Time Doctor going to help Arya and Hermione escape from Colditz before Khan gets to them?

Mo-cap porn! The porn of the future!

Hail, Caesar!

Harry and Bilbo have to get to Tatooine before Khan!

I don't watch this show, so I have a question:

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. - Phyllis Diller (July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012)

Osiris and I just saw The Great Esc-Ape, er, War for the Planet of the Apes. Really good, Caesar is my Ape!

Osiris and I "made groceries" (a New Orleans expression) yesterday, as we do, and we had no idea that Rouse's had been robbed a gunpoint just over two hours before!

Oh, yeah, that's where I read that configuration before!

Though Puzzlemaster Will Shortz BEST call me, if he calls you, I want a shout-out.