Don’t forget the favorite fallback of AT LEAST HE’S TRYING TO IMPROVE THE WORLD!

It’s truly amazing the extent to which wealthy tech shitheads will go to avoid admitting that mass public action and infrastructure have ever accomplished anything.

I was in a city in China a few years ago that, in order to address congestion and pollution, built an entire subway system in essentially a decade that moves 2,200,000 to 2,800,000 people per day. But, sure, let’s use Silicon Valley ingenuity to build a tunnel that moves one car at a time. Disruption!

And by gum it put them on the map!

Right, the TeslaTunnel doesn’t solve any problem no matter how much Musk thinks it does. It is essentially a very expensive private road.

Excuse you. Can’t you see that would be the revolutionary new Tesla TimeCapsule?

And we all thought Nathan Peterman would be the most pointless addition in California this week.

But it worked in Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook!

The comments on the Giz article about this are priceless. Did you know: if you criticize Elon Musk at all, it’s only because you’re shorting the stock? It’s true, the commenters told me!

In before the Musk fanboys find this in their google searches and clog the greys.

I’m all for broad inclusion in topical discussions, but how exactly is Tumblr banning fucking and thus fucking itself a “video game” disappointment? Disappointing, sure, and still a fresh wound for many, but where’s the connection?

Maybe he can then wear a Janet Jackson style top, which will be ripped off by Adam Levine to expose a nipple piercing.  Homoeroticism will really aggravate the NFL audience.

There is a distinct lack of Kid Rock in this lineup, though.

I’m sure the NFL would love to feature Childish Gambino doing “This is America”.

It doesn’t help that the Super Bowl is in Atlanta and they didn’t get any Atlanta artists. Usher? Outkast? Migos? Childish Gambino? No, let’s go for Adam Levine and his bland brigade.

At first I thought it was the NFL playing it safe, but now I see it’s the NFL having no other options. 

Did Nickelback have a scheduling conflict? 

Presumably millions of people, considering their last record went Platinum and they sell out stadium tours.

Adam Levine might.

It’s settled.  5 minutes of the comedy stylings of Dennis Miller followed by Nugent performing an acoustic version of “Wang Dang, Sweet Poontang.”  All capped off by “Up with People” doing a 15 minute version of “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”  Problem solved.

Put the Bill Haley aliens on!!