My ‘spiritual’ friend dumped me when I got chronically ill. Because it says so in The Secret, you shouldn’t consort with sick people because it will attract more sickness. Some spiritual people are sick in the head. Namaste cuntface!

Rob would be one of those victors that just hid in a tree until everyone else killed each other.

Remember The Del Rubio Triplets? RIP.

YOU CAN GET A LISA FRANK VISA CARD

I guess I just assumed Olivia Wilde was older than she is (she’s only 32!) because she was in House so many years ago.

Are y’all following the Lisa Frank account on Facebook, ‘cause you should. It posts daily assaults on the eyes with kitschy phrases like, “You can’t make everyone happy, you are not pizza!” It’s mind boggling and I look forward to it daily.

The receptionist at my firm is 23 and loves him. One day after this last Christmas a woman attorney (who is awesome) asked her what gifts she got and she said one of them was a Chris Brown t-shirt. The attorney deadpans: “Oh, what’s on it? A picture of a woman with two black eyes?”

I hate all of these people you’ve been dating.

I’m 34 and was dumped by a 45 year old for a 21 year old last year. I’ve been on dates with six different dudes, ages 38-57, in the last seven months who told me either on the date or in a follow up that they just really need someone under 30. Against my better judgment, I saw a 48 year old a few time who told me…

Regardless if it’s location staff or a photographer who came with them....my point stands. It is weird af but people apparently want someone to follow them around to ~capture the moment~.

You know, when I am having a super intimate romantic celebration with my partner i ALSO hire someone to follow us around with a camera to prove how much we love each other. It enhances the experience.

Here’s a link to the scene in case anyone wanted to see it...

I baby sat an angelic looking* 5 year old who spat on me and said she was going to murder me and murder my mother. Why? Because she was rough petting/patting her infant sister and I asked her to step back while I was trying to change a dirty diaper. She was a monster child. Like The Omen level, manipulative and…

Huh. I read it completely differently. I read it as don’t let someone bully you into doing something you aren’t sure about. If you want to say no to the D, then for gosh sakes, say no.

Because you've never had the immense pleasure of working with her...

Looking back now there are at least two times I’m sure I was drugged, but wrote it off as being just really drunk. The first time I was in high school, away on some school academic bladibla thing in DC. The dude told me - TOLD me - his name was Mickey Finn. Right? It’s only shockingly recently that I’ve realized he…

You might have foaming issues, but basically, yeah, with sufficiently soft water, you could get away with it.

The sebaceous glands of your scalp excrete this gunk called sebum, which gets called “natural oils” by hair care professionals because “sebum” is an inherently disgusting word. (It’s also not all oil, but let’s not get into that.) Sebum really honestly truly does keep your hair glossy and manageable. Unfortunately:…

If you google it, there are tons of potential meanings (including attempted murder, grief, and a long prison sentence). In my personal experience with inmates, pretty much all of them with teardrop tattoos have been mourning someone. But I’ve mostly dealt with female inmates in a jail setting so that could affect it.…

That’s what I’ve heard too but like I am pretty sure I got it from some iteration of Law & Order so I don’t know how true it is.