So, you want The Division? You want a frustrating mess of horrible combat with no realism and a loot grind, rather than a fun open-world shooter where you can literally pick your own weapons, unlock them, and then take on the world?

If you wanted to wait for the story patch, why the hell are you even in this article? You did this to yourself, fool.

It’s for Guenhwyvar. Why do I still remember that after 20 years...

Know what they didn’t fucking get right? No lock on. Melee combat feels like jerking off with someone else’s foot.

I can’t wait for the update that takes the game out of Alpha.

When I had a medical issue that prevented me from being able to talk coherently, I took an Uber to and from the hospital because I was panicking about the condition. I texted both drivers and explained the situation.

I can’t star this enough.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug...

Welcome to KotakuLifehackerTheRootDeadspinGizmodoJalopnik.

It’s “articles” like this that make me wish I could block seeing posts from a given author.

I sincerely hope that you are biologically incapable of reproducing, because your posting profiles you as the poster child for abortion.

If it looks like a moron, and it sounds like a moron, and it makes potentially franchise-destroying roster moves like a moron...

Wait, I thought someone had proved that he was a heroin user, and that the use was the cause of death. Did I get some bad information?

Maybe, but if you think Motoko Kusanagi didn’t have flaws that they could have used for a film, then you’ve never seen a millisecond of the anime.

I just hope it comes out for PC as well. I liked Destiny, but I just can’t play a console shooter like I can a PC shooter.

I think we need more Bolter Bitches.

How the hell is this a thing? Never mind, I’ll hold out for Describing the Taste of Baby Back Ribs to a Jewish Man: The Snacktaku Review...

It’s like reading ads with actual ads interspersed. I miss the golden age of gaming mags, but this is trite and shite.

I just don’t get it anymore. If it’s a Call Of, Battle-, or indie title, it gets rave reviews. Actual good games, with exceptions I grant, rarely get the review score they deserve.

I’ve only ever bought new from Gamestop because I wanted the developers to get a cut of the profits. With this, there’s now no reason not to just order things online.