Everyone knows pepper is significantly less crunchy after you grind it.

“I also always left the bills out on top of the clips in the register drawer until the person took back their change”

This. And I counted up, not down (i.e. Total is 4.75, they give me a 10, I give them change and then a five and go “5 and 10.”

This is why you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

My MUM.

My mom did not get along with one of my pop’s cousins. They kept it civil for the most part, but the cousin took it up a level by trying to tell some bullshit story about my mom at a family get together. It, of course, got back to my mom. So Mom was walking out of a drugstore one day, holding my brother’s hand (he was…

My mom is a spitfire. She’s a tiny, fierce, mean, Irish lady. She had 6 kids in 6 1/2 years. I have a ton of great stories about her, like the time she bought a huge crystal chandelier at an estate sale several hours from our home. Lacking anything to wrap it in for the ride home, she stripped down to bra and panties,…

After a particularly horrific breakup my mother was my rock. We were very close. One afternoon my emotionally abusive ex was a lunch with a date. I wasn’t at the restaurant but my mother and her friends were.

So my stepfather had just died, and my mother was alone in the house. Some really dodgy-looking Travellers (that we didn’t know) came to the door and said “Your husband hired us to clean your furniture, can you help us get it into our van?”

I read the popcorn story out loud to my daughters, who loved it and insisted I read it out loud again when my husband got home. It is now legendary.

Not as cool but equally as stuck in my brain: When I was 19 or 20, I must have been either at the tail end of period, or just about to start, because I was using pantyliners that day, but nothing else. While hanging out at the boyfriend’s apartment, changed my pantyliner once. Weeks later, boyfriend tells me that…

Nothing says “stepping out of your comfort zone” more than repeatedly asking why you can’t order lo mein.

“Now THAT’S White Zinfandel!” which he promptly poured into his monogrammed thermos.

Love him! My 17 year old daughter wore a dress with spaghetti straps yesterday and when a school administrator told her to cover up she asked him if her shoulders were turning him on. She's a sassy thing and I love it.

John Boehner writes:

My husband had to restrain me at a Disney World counter-service restaurant, where we waited in line to order for FIFTEEN MINUTES, and the people in front of me STILL had to lingeringly peruse the menu board which had been plainly visible to them for FIFTEEN MINUTES (did I mention we’d all been standing in front of it…

I would rather just skip the damn meal than eat Little Caesar’s. Would and have. It was the only food my little brother could get that I wouldn’t steal bites of.

I’d like to believe that all of these instances were Eddie Vedder in various disguises, gallivanting around the U.S. in a mission to make server life a better life.

The woman in Valerie’s story has a brilliant idea. Nobody would turn down an apology pizza. An apology pizza could end wars.