I have carried this guilt for 35 years. I was the flower girl in my uncle's wedding, I was 5 and got my very first case of stage fright as I started walking down the aisle. I walked down the aisle looking for my parents in each aisle and when I spotted them I bee lined for them.

This, alone, isn't that awful. "Ha ha,…

I ruined my own (first) wedding. I said "I do".

I don't know if this is screwed up Martin Bush style, but my sister kind of fucked things up.

My narcissistic cousin"Mabel" almost seriously screwed up my father-daughter dance at my wedding. My father is legally blind and was really worried about dancing with me. So, we chose something that we used to dance to in the kitchen -My Girl by the Temptations. It was something he was comfortable twirling me around…

"Not the smartest of the Bush Brothers" . . . that is one hell of a phrase.

I know! And he's normally telling me all the time I look nice even if I'm gross so I don't know what the deal was cause I looked awesome

I'm pretty sure I am the Marvin in most situations (cue the time I planned a surprise party for my ex at a bowling alley, only to fall face first about 20 minutes later and ended up having my bday boy ex drive me to the emergency room to get stitches while a confused attended had to clean a pool of blood off the…

At my cousin's wedding, the Catholic church's wedding coordinator switched the readings after the rehearsal, so my other cousin found herself at the wedding giving a reading about fornication while the bride, groom, and wedding party tried desperately not to laugh. I don't think she approved of any of us.

The day wasn't ruined but our DJ (my uncle-in-law) and one of the ushers decided that it would be a good idea to remove their pants at my wedding reception. Their pantslessness got us kicked out of the reception venue (a country club) an hour before our time was up. We were also asked never to return.

My father forgot his teeth. Ten minutes before we were to walk down the aisle he says "Oh crap! I left my teeth beside the sink in the kitchen." The kitchen is in his house that was about half an hour away. Luckily one of my brothers was running late and was able to go get them. My wedding started 20 minutes late but…

My mother is a drama queen of the first order. For 30 years of my life, no one I dated was good enough. My father used to tell me, "Honey, if you bring Jesus home as a date, she's going to drag me in the kitchen and ask, what's wrong with that boy's hands and can't his daddy get him a better job?" So when I got…

My mother. Who took the opportunity during her toast to give my bride my bronzed baby shoes, saying "This is all I have left to give to you of my Gregory. The rest you've already taken for yourself"

My MIL for sure.

I love being able to use "fisticuffs" in a story!

I never should have married the former Mr Crumpett, but I thought I wanted it nonetheless. Ex-Mr C is a misanthrope, and he wanted our wedding to be an elopement to a town in Vermont that had much sentimental value to us both. Then Mama Crumpett said she had to be there, so she and my dad were coming. Then ex-Mr C's…

My husband's immediate family were the Marvins!

Jeep Cherokee Trail-of-Tears-Rated

But everyone knows the longer you grill them, the more tender they get!

You wanna put them in an organic brown paper bag made from local softwood. It ages them faster.

How long on the grill until they taste like ham?