Oh I know. It’s batshit crazy.

Also so he won’t look bad to his cultists

OMG. Roy Cohn has been dead for decades, and it makes you wonder how the hell he got people in the early 2000s to buy into his s-.

I don’t say this enough - fuck this incompetent douchebag.

A president who cannot live with open rejection. He hasn’t even learned what 3 years olds in supermarkets learn apparently. You don’t always get what you want. Begging and announcing ultimatums like a lack of will to live will not get you the chocolate bar. You’ve been told no, now be quiet.

Right? Who knew that the art of deal-making involved just repeatedly telling the other guy what you want without offering anything in return? I’ve been going about it ALL WRONG!!

“I really need you to help me out with the bullshit I said to get elected because if you don’t I can’t be re-elected”

Ladies and gentlemen - the art of the deal.

He’s the theta of cheaters

Or is he the omega of betas?

“You got to get me out of this mess of my own making, okay.”

Trump: Chill! Be Cool!

So basically, he’s asking Mexico to pay for the wall so his own personal fee-fees won’t be hurt.

He is the alpha of betas.

This is insane.

“Listen, it needs to appear that you’re rolling over like a bitch for the USofA. Otherwise my pee pee looks small.”

This is random but, have you every watched interviews of Liberace and they ask him about why he is single and hasn’t found a wife? Because it is hilarious, partly because how oblivious people were and partly because his answer isn’t “I’ve never been able to find a wife who has a dick and balls”. This interview is…

This is being pedantic, but this wasn’t actually a Golf Magazine story—it was an SI story published to its golf vertical, Golf.com, which is also the website for Golf Magazine. SI (sometimes) breaks news, and Golf Magazine covers instruction, equipment and travel. So in Trump’s defense, him sucking up to Golf Magazine…

“People are saying only five things were different on that page. I don’t know, but people, great people have called me. And, you know, they’re saying it. Five. It’s five things.”

“More fake news from Highlights for Kids: I colored in the lines the best and am not a Goofus.”