If you claim bankruptcy do you get to keep the boat? Asking for a friend.

This is truly the second disaster after the disaster. 

As another wise scholar put it:

In my mind I always confuse Dan Synder and John Schnatter. I don’t think it matters much.

nice

Never throw away a red sharpie okay? When the last batch of beet juice ink goes bad what you do is walk into the room with a picture of a person with a dress on in the back of a restaurant. Looks a lot like my old friend Cross Dressin’ Pete. Never knew why they called him that. Anyway, what you do is you sneak in…

I thought it was Rudy Giuliani crossed with a sharpei.

In Soviet Russia, unoriginal joke makes you!

Ugh, but (big) Oktoberfest beers are taking on these gross cookie spice flavors that plague pumpkin beers. Luckily the (my) local breweries are dialing back the cinnamon and spice and bringing marzen back. 

“They are not beautiful women. They are beautiful women because they died. I like women who didn’t die.”

So bitcoin is the new beanie baby?

I legit feel bad for him. His own dad wouldn’t have started him. He had no business playing again.

Not our year, on to the next one.

I just sold a lion for $15 million to somebody from China. Am I supposed to dislike them?... I love China. The biggest bank in the world is from China. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower.

Big deal, anyone can go to the store and buy their own poise. I doubt it will help the leaky Detroit defense however. 

Schrodinger’s criminal strikes again. Simultaneously a mastermind and dumb enough to think sunglasses are a good disguise.

I was so confused by this because I thought that Blaine Gabbert was their quarterback. Luckily this was cleared up a few paragraphs later even if Drew used an obviously fake name. Lol Bortles.

I unironically wear a Brewers World Series 1982 shirt around. I haven’t checked the standings in a few weeks but I think it is finally their year.

nah, that’s the correct take