Here are your 6 stories, I think there are enough to fill your facetious and tongue in cheek quota as well.

Thank you, I texted my friend immediately, John McCain is clearly no longer fit for office, that was nuts.

Has John McCain completely lost his mind?

Lol, you are my exact opposite. I have played the game since launch, and have not spent a single minute on the lore. I’m here for the gameplay.

Do they still do dollar dog and beer nights on Wednesdays? I miss going to those games when going to school in Oshkosh

It is not newsworthy for a legally blind person to see the color of your shirt.

The public is under the perception that he cannot see at all, not that he meets the definition of “legally blind”.

I don’t see how you could look at this post and be blind to the conspiracy of Wonders sight. Open your eyes and see the light, just like Stevie can.

I just finished EP 11 or 12.
I don’t regret watching it, but it has been less enjoyable than prior seasons. No Remy and Jackie has been a bummer and I have no idea where this Davis chick even came from.

I can’t think of another TV show moment like this, something you both knew was coming and also didn’t see coming at the same time.

you’re always better off pretending to be related like the Ramones

Wilson’s sisters Annarchi and Liberty

“heat rises” doesn’t mean heat starts at the equator and moves to the poles, it means it goes up, like towards the sky

whatever the sox field is called now

it’s basically a big bet on “I won’t suffer a devastating injury before my next contract”

Durant could get a max deal on the open market this off-season without issue, so there is no quid pro quo here. He is simply taking a pay cut. He isn’t going to make this money up in future salaries (Although if he wins a ring or two, he can certainly make the $ up elsewhere).

no more than any two old white dudes with long hair look alike

Walking while pushing a wheeled object that weighs a non-zero amount

 I would love a moss lawn if I could. 

Anyone struggling to keep a grass lawn green will absolutely not be able to grow a moss lawn, but they are very cool for certain areas with lots of moisture.