1) I don’t need Aspirin, because I’m a badass. Only tiny non-Viking people take Aspirin.

COME ON MAN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO PICK UP ON MY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SATIRE YOU’RE KILLING ME

“Give me a minute here! I didn’t pay 15.99 for this box of Depends for nothing.”

Sorry to hear about your coach. On the up side, your coach is not a racist like the coach of the Illinois’ women’s basketball team.

Which, by the way, is racist.

I love how some people will grasp at the wispiest straws to avoid believing that things are racist, because the truth is uncomfortable. The ‘crabs in a bucket’ thing is about as virulently racist as it gets.

a. How the fuck can you not see that this is racist? He’s saying that one black person can overcome BEING BLACK but when you put a bunch of blacks together it drags them down.

But a race is not the same thing as a nationality, as evidenced by my black coworker sitting next to me, so I’m not sure how it’s unacceptable to say a team that is comprised of a given nationality, which is not a race, is going to play a game a certain way. Sure, it can be a stereotype about their nationality - and…

Hey whoa, I mean, you can shit on the Midwest if you want, I mean, if you want a bunch of corn-fed white boys to show up at your door and beat the shit out of you, then I mean, more power to you, you can do what you want with your life. If you want your life to be getting your ass beat. Just saying.

Yep. Racist. Because no race of players plays with a certain style.

“ So if the $82,594 didn’t include all sorts of costs us plebes have to pay for, like tickets and fees, what was he buying? Dozens of player jerseys? Truckloads of Bud Light? An obscene amount of three-for-$10 mini tacos that one Yelp reviewer noted don’t even have toppings?”

How about that? You like that? Well you shouldn’t. Because that’s Cloud’s side-boob.

You could say that, yes, but then you would be a douchebag.

Don’t forget you can spread the pestilence of AIDS and ebola, destroy the nuclear family, bring about forest fires, and tsunami.

This.

Satire...?

LoL “Flag waivers”

At least the sharks aren’t bigots and when they fuck their cousins it’s because they don’t know any better.

What is a “culture of success”?

None of those communities spent two centuries as property in this country. A lot of other minorities did (and do) experience severe discrimination, but even with anyone who was a slave long since having passed on, there’s a deep, deep, rift of ancient hatred.