I have experience and knowledge, and I calculated the trajectory

Really, the Onion never topped that piece.

Man, that is taking it WAY back. I remember I first red that in a paper version of the Onion that my college girlfriend brought to me from Wisconsin.

Had to charge an old phone and locate my burner key in the memos to star this. Have a +1. 

Just “media version”.

Thank you for this. Nice to read that someone else has gone through similar situations, I thought it was just me.

Sort of the sports media version of Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

When I had to pound the fuck out of Dave in receiving just so I could get a fucking package delivered to my desk before dooms-fucking-day I had to submit to a very, very lengthy process.

But does it count as a mirkin when it’s sprayed on top of a cunt?

That makes sense and I’m sure we all understand. Thank you for the update.

I thought this needed to be preserved for eternity (or at least until Gizmodo angers another billionaire):

Don’t worry, there’s no real Economists in Liberty U’s Faculty of Biblical Economics either.

I mean, to be fair, it is possible to both love your hometown, and hate a parent who happens to still live there. I love my hometown, I hate my father. If my hometown started to burn to the ground, I’d encourage all of my family and friends to donate money to the cause, while also paying no attention to my father and…

Maybe Belichick was not properly hydrated when he made the call?

How did they train this dog to imitate Brady’s run so perfectly so quickly?

Wrong... Plenty of America LOVES Tom terrific.. I'm sure you hate him because he has consistently made your team look foolish... No go cry in your pillow buttercup. 

Looks like he hasn’t aged a day since he filmed this Uggs commercial. 

They know damn well he can’t run with shoes on.

We knew that as Brady began to reach the twilight years of his career he’d be in more games where he’d get outplayed by younger guys

So true. Whedon’s ex obviously thinks that she is all women and of course she isn’t. If you are gay and cheat on your partner, would that make you homophobic?
Cheating is betrayal of trust, not sexist behavior. A douche thing to do, but so is airing the dirty laundry in public (perhaps on a lower scale).