WHAT KINDA LAME-O WATCHES CNN ON NEW YEAR'S, ANYWAY?!

Considering this is the only time in the last year that they've looked even remotely sympathetic, I wonder just how long the Trump White House will try to milk this story.

That was basically a rhetorical question, but since we're on the subject…

Why are English bears so effete and dim-witted, anyway?

Oh, you'd miss us terribly in the end.

Hey, if I want to live vicariously through the exciting lives of geeky scientists and their otherworldly technology, I'll just watch through Slimer! And The Real Ghostbusters again.

You mean you're just some anonymous LOSER warlord from Planet Krypton?

Ignoring him won't make him Not President, unfortunately.

HOW WILL WE ON THE LEFT CARRY ON WITHOUT OUR GENERATION'S STRONGEST—

Award-winning journalist and commentator and former eight-term congresswoman Kathy Griffin?

There's a basic rule to Sci-Fi/Fantasy that even in the most unusual of settings people can still find things to be surprised about. It's like, you can live in a Science Fiction world, but you still have your own version of Science Fiction.

As opposed to the normal kind of gibberish, then?

Remember when FDR calmed a panic-stricken nation during one of his famous Fireside Chats by proclaiming live on the radio "The only thing we have to fear is faflugagagaaaah…" as he fell asleep?

"Why don't you take a flying covfefe at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying covfefe at the mooooooooooooon?"

Too effete to tweet

What about the one who was inbred within an inch of his life?

Petty, but it's rather gratifying that the world's most successful professional bully has become the one everyone is pointing at and laughing,

It had better be a gritty reboot. If the Warners aren't going to be grizzled chain-smoking homicide detectives in a post-apocalyptic future Burbank, frankly I don't care about it.

More like John Birchbox.

Most Americans haven't, actually.