Crowder is mad because the law won’t compel his wife to stay with him.

Nothing is bear proof, your only hope is that your stuff is slightly more bear resistant than the next guy’s stuff.

the club sandwich of fast-food burgers

“No baby, I only procreated with her. I breed with you.”

All people whose hobbies are not more valuable than human beings. Hobbies. Fucking hobbies. That’s all you’ve got?

“I live in the bay area and people speak about it like we’re barely holding it together through all the crime;”

When I think of Never Gonna Give You Up’s chord progression and videogames, I only hear Robo’s Theme from Chrono Trigger.

From your headline, I thought there was a mass shooting at the NRA conference. That would be irony.

I find it weird when chefs refer to carrots as “vegetables” or “food.” Like... they’re carrots.

Calling others stupid without actually making a rational point is called projection. 

I believe that’s what Gandhi said shortly before launching the nukes.

That sentence makes a lot more sense if you capitalize the r in “right"

“There is literally nothing ethically dubious about artificial intelligence.”

Crime is also against the law, but people still do it. Therefore we should not have laws.

why doesn’t this list of other people’s tastes include my tastes?

“Waaa! You’re not making me money! You’re all Communists! Waaa!”
- Corporate America

Jesus that really does look like Mitch McConnell. 

Oh, have a sense of humor.