I remember really enjoying the loop of the original Spelunky, dying in the first level of mines every time, occasionally beating the first level, learning, improving, slowly getting to the point where I knew how to spot traps from a distance, and eventually making it all the way to the (normal) final boss... only to…

Can we also get the sugar, corn syrup, potassium sorbate, natural flavors, carnauba wax, and food coloring out of the Peeps?

I had these last night and forgot there was a spicy sauce that went along with them, defaulted to honey mustard. It wasn’t a bad combo, but the nuggets didn’t really seem all that spicy, and I thought mine might’ve been a tad overcooked and dry, so it might not have been the best batch to judge these by.

I guess I’m…

Also came to mention how much of a tease it was to use the phrase “without a doubt” in a quote about Gwen Stefani. This shit is nuts.

When I worked at a video store, our assistant manager was attacked when she was opening the store for the day. Someone jimmied the front door and confronted her in the back office with a gun, had her open the safe and hand over the previous day’s deposit, knocked her unconscious, and stole the security tape. She…

I tell this story a lot, but...

I’m seeing a lot of smaller streamers I follow recommend their viewers use Adblock for their own streams. If that’s not a sign that Twitch fucked this up...

Taking the time to join the conversation just to announce that you don’t care is going to make you look like an asshole. That’s not the internet. That’s, like, basic interaction with anyone, ever.

If you’re going to throw Rice Krispies and Lucky Charms marshmallows together, why not go all-out and make magically delicious Rice Krispie treats? Certainly couldn’t be any worse than pizza.

What’s even the point of a zero gravity beer? I’m not an astronaut, Bernie!

While I doubt he comes across many lobsters in his natural habitat, Mitch McConnell is naturally equipped to crush a lobster’s head with his beak and suck its innards out through the wound.

When I was trying to buy out-of-print board games six months ago, I kept seeing some of them go for $300, and every time it was going to be that inflated, that buy box was missing off the item’s main page and I had to click “buy options” to see what the damage was. It was obvious enough that the sellers were taking…

I star any and all UHF clips.

Yeah, once you get to the Outer Continent, you’re pretty much out of the woods. I hope you have as much fun with the rest of the game as I did in my replay last year.

I remember being fascinated by the original Civilization game in middle school, largely for exploring the tech tree and experimenting with how far I could get without ever discovering math, or pottery, or thousand island dressing, or whatever. I was never good at it, though, and tended to win either by cranking the…

In The Fast and the Furious 10, the crew will travel back in time to fight the nazis with nitrous and one-liners during WWII. It will be called The Fast and the Fuhrer10us.

Seriously. The first half of my day yesterday felt like I’d woken up before 6 and the sun hadn’t even poked over the horizon yet, and the second half felt like I’d stayed at work 4 hours past my shift and it’d already settled below the horizon again. My coworker keeps using the phrase “perpetual sunset,” and it’s…

Wait, wait, wait. How did we come up with 680 combinations? Did we just turn this into a simple (17 * 16 * 15) / 3! combination problem? Because that math doesn’t leave room for a triple pepperoni pizza! Or a double-olive sausage pizza! Are we seriously not allowing a double/triple portion of one ingredient to count…

Sitting out here in California, I can report that watching the world burn isn’t as fun as I expected it to be.

Which makes pizza rolls fun-sized lazy abominations.