Your scientific fact check can’t stop Louie from dipping his balls in it.

Mmmm, pudding Kit Kat-stuffed Kobe steak.

My first thought was that it was a game based on the movie, so I was hoping it had the exquisitely cumbersome title “Sonic: the Hedgehog: The Movie: The Game.”

The history goes back much further than that. Many ancient cave paintings got their bright orange pigment from Kraft Easy Mac’s cheese-flavored powder.

Ben & Jerry’s won’t e-mail me back about my idea for Some Like It Hot Ham Water.

I don’t know. For all I know, his Saturday Magic/drinking group all plays by the chaotic “everything interrupts everything” rules that I have to smack down every time we play a non-Magic game that he wants an advantage in. He certainly acts like he’s been raised in a world with a consistent game ideology, where simple …

Ah yes, “Paris Hilton’s famous lasagna.”

Cereal without milk is just sad trail mix - unless you’re Allison Shoemaker and you’re replacing the milk with brown ale.

Now this is the kind of hard-hitting non-sequitur journalism I’ve been missing from Deadspin and Splinter’s absence.

At a certain point, you have to admit that the snack you’re looking for isn’t a cookie; it’s a tub of vanilla frosting and a spoon.

Political correctness, i.e. people willing to call them assholes when they act like assholes.

Eat Lead was a wonderful premise with a few good gags (not-Duke-Nukem needing to turn a quick buck and signing on to do a not-Duke-Nukem kiddy kart racer was legitimately funny), but you can’t spend an entire game emulating bad game tropes without being a bad game, even if you make jokes while you’re doing it.

They’ve been focusing on chicken for a while now. It’s just that when Steve Easterbrook headed the company, he was more focused on the chickin accounting.

Oh, sweet, we had a few dozen branches of METHLAB in Modesto, CA. I didn’t realize it was an international thing. Shame so many of them burned down, but I guess when you’re spending so many sleepless nights researching a flammable gas, it’s just the nature of the beast.

But if you call it “naked soup,” I’m going to need to find a new phrase for baths.

I just blend mine into powder and store them in a used protein supplement container so when I sprinkle them into my milk or coffee people think I’m eating healthier.

... and I want a pony, but we can’t always get what we want.

I appreciate that the header image is a stock photo.

Would you say he’s #1?

I’m going to counter-offer with the limb-burger, a new menu item that will truly give them a leg up on the competition.