The only part about being a lawyer that sounds appealing to me is to to write terse letters in lawyer-speak telling people to fuck off and die

I've never even heard a Taylor Swift song, but even I know she's known for writing songs about her exes

It's as exciting as her marriage

Sure you can call a person is beautiful, but you can’t make sexually charged comments about your children. For most people, this does not cause confusion

Thank you for saying teeth aren’t bone. I trust you already know about the Sedlec Ossuary? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary

Teeth aren't made out of bone

He probably grew up surrounded by sycophants who pretended to like him to get some of his money, fame and privilege. Everyone let him do whatever he wanted and told him whatever he wanted to hear to keep their meal ticket happy. That can not be good for your sense of selfworth or your perception of what "normal" is

Mine do that, they crunch rats and mice, but they don’t actually eat much of them. Instead they leave mice parts lying around all over the house for me to step in

No dirtbag either. Only ads, autoplay videos and Andy Rooney-type rants. The only reason I still visit jezebel is the dirtbag!

The jacket is hideous and actually well made. You can tell from how the awful pattern align on the lapels and at sleeves that the fabric was cut and pinned together by hand by a tailor. Depressing. The shirt would have looked better on Mary-Anne

The more of them they get alive, the more cases for researchers to study and suggest ways to identify them BEFORE they kill people. Which will of course be for naught since politicians don’t want to spend money on preventive measures since the results are difficult to quantify and won’t be ready to present during…

The point isn’t that he was 5% off, the point is that he used the number 88. That’s the white supremacists’ favorite number because the eight letter in the alphabet, so 88 is HH, or “Heil Hitler”. I first heard about this over 20 years ago, it’s a well established “secret” white supremacist code. The number is even…

It’s not “rent”, it’s “retting”. I’m sure it’s done by adding various chemicals today, but it used to be done by submerging the flax in water and letting it rot for a while. Anaerobic bacteria dissolve the stem first, which just leaves the fibres. You can see the same process everywhere outside now, leaves and other…

“Domestic dispute" sounds so civilized

That makes sense though. Crystal is heavy so the animal won’t push the bowl around when it eats, crystal is easy to clean and won’t scratch and become bacteria infested like plastic and lastly, what should you do with crystal ware anyway? I’ve inherited antique china and crystal crap, it just sits in a cupboard,…

I’ve never had a cat that actually ATE the mice they killed, they just played with them and chewed them up, but didn’t eat much of them

Fred Willard seems like an obvious choice to parody Trump

Because they're idiots?

There is photographic proof you are not. Unless he's saying the teachers knew better but did it anyway, in which case they are too stupid for words and should be fired for that

He's the ur-character that Fred Willard is always parodying