Again black voters should stay the fuck home.

There are two seasons for me in Sacramento:

I’m not a fan of changing Shakespeare’s language, unless you do it like A Black Lady Sketch Show. Rome and Julissa was fucking brilliant.

1994 Crime Bill, and Bernie voted for it.

Lil Half Dead is the best nickname for her ever, because it’s true.

Campaiging against kids being online bullied is a good cause, but when your husband is the biggest online bully of them all, it’s kind of hard to buy what you’re selling.

Can we get an exemption to the rule about packaged gravy for the Kiva Weed Gravy? Asking for a friend whose name is the same as mine.

“Take off your shoes and throw your pork on the floor!”

My first question reading this post: Who is this asshole?

This. I get up as soon as possible so that by the time the doors open, my knees will be functional again. 

I mean, where else are you supposed to keep the paper towels?

Imma file a supporting brief on this. Our house is a small IKEA outlet, though we may be covered under the concurring opinion that points out that lesbian households are required to have a percentage of IKEA furnishings of greater than or equal to 10% so that one partner can demonstrate her skill with an allen wrench. 

Thank you for saying stuff that needed to be said. I remember being terrified and embarrassed when my body started changing. My parents handed me some books, which made sense given how I liked to read, but everything was very clinical, to the point where my mother would say “Don’t play with yourself,” and I had no…

Don’t forget the BAR stat: Butts Above Replacement. The scale is based on the player with the most junk in his trunk at the high end, to the guy who has a place where a butt should be.

I’ve been pretty depressed since November 2016. At one point, I talked myself out of doing something drastic by telling myself that I want to live long enough to take a big, steaming dump on Mitch McConnell’s grave, just like he’s done to this country.

Here’s the problem with what Bernie said: at no point does he utter the word racism, or the words “systemic racism”. His consistent inability to acknowledge that racism is a problem, or any form of inequality other than economic, is a long-standing issue with him. It’s disappointing that he doesn’t seem to have…

What he could have said was “Because of historical and systemic racism that devalues Black lives and encourages police violence against black bodies, I would say that you do whatever it takes to survive the encounter. The fact that we’re having this conversation is the real problem. As President my attorney general…

My dream is to be able to sit down and have drinks with Jon Miller. I would love to just listen to him talk about shit.

That man is my new hero.

If Matt Gaetz were not white, he wouldn’t have made it to Congress. After his DUI arrest he’d have gone to jail instead of having his state pol daddy getting the charges dropped.