Ah, I love the smell of Twitter banning Trump in the morning.

Apparently they’re both ’96 babies, like me. I agree they’re convincingly teenage-looking. More so than me, anyway...

‘Ham-fished’ should be ‘ham-fisted’... *dives for cover*

“some 221 years later, their ancestors felt entitled to take the space for themselves”

That guy for President, please?

So that’s it, right? The great American experiment is over. Wrap it up. Shut it down, guys.

I mean, I liked this as soon as I read the first line. Having read it, if anything I think you went easy on her xD

I’m with her on this. Fucking losers.

This story is the best thing I’ve read all week, and that was just when I read the headline. At what point did she find out she’d been interviewing an imposter?

Romans would walk the streets naked in December? Wow, they were tough bastards.

What a fucking baby.

Take any good news I can get after reading the other news bullet points at the end there.

I agree with utilitybinch3. Please write a book, and I will buy the shit out of it. I’ve seen your entries a few times in Pissing Contest and you never fail to make me chuckle with your writing style, your frankly astounding anecdotes, and especially your unique insults for the people who’ve wronged you. 10/10 would…

Eddie: asshole who has hopefully been murdered by someone.

I had a similar experience once. I’ve had my share of run-ins with teachers, but the occasions when a whole class got punished for the misdeeds of the minority always rankled with me. As you said, my sense of justice wouldn’t permit it (and neither would my autism). One time when I was about 13, the head of our year…

You are a modern-day hero, and I hope those two toasted you at their wedding.

Dr. Alford, I’m so sorry for all that you endured. It sounds truly horrific. I want to find these men and turn their heads into wallpaper paste.

OK, you can just close this comments section down. Nothing’s going to beat Katie Rife’s response.

All jokes aside, Marvel, please don’t fuck this up. You built a universe over the course of 11 years, and it was a work of art. If you must now build a multiverse, show the same level or care and attention. Don’t just throw film character spaghetti at a wall and see which strands stick.

“Alright, alright, you win. I see you’ve played knifey-spoony before.”