Secret Star Hacks.

And no tomatoes, please. I’m allergic to red.

But I need to curate and edit them to achieve my pre-90s normcore space cowboy aesthetic!

That reminds me of one semi-absurd thing I used to hear people do at Disney parks. When they would order soups in bread bowls, they would ask for it on the side because they believed they were getting more soup. By all accounts, it appears they are getting the same ladle full of slop in either case, but I guess the…

I’ve gone on my share of Chipotle runs and several friends make sure to remind me to get a tortilla on the side with their bowl. The last time I did this, the guy actually rolled his eyes at me. People are just gonna keep thinking it’s a genius move until they start charging for the tortilla. If the guy had just told…

I’m allergic to crispy!

Whenever Apartment Therapy has an article about “curating” your closet or “editing” your coffee table display, I want to barf.

I like you.

I get a veggie burger with bacon cilantro and blue cheese whenever I go to B.Goode

I feel that way about the word curate. Really you curated those earring? You did extensive research on the artist, the materials, the style in which they were created and then carefully arranged, and rearranged them? You have extensive schooling and knowledge of all things earring that you are an expert in the field?

My eye just twitched.

If you need to leave a boring business meeting, shit your pants. #lifehack

I used to work with an asshole that would regularly go to chipotle during the lunch rush and order the quesorito (because eating something the size of a baby for lunch is a good idea?), which would then slow down the entire line. Still wished they would have simply told him no, just to see his reaction.

Yep. The Starbucks ones are hands down the fucking worst and the people who order them are the worst.

I have a super secret life-hack for when I eat at McDonalds. I get extra ketchup and mustard, and then... I put them on my burger. It’s amazing and everyone should try it.

Can we talk about the use of the word “hack”?

While we’re at it, can we stop calling tips “hacks”?!?!

YAY YES THANK YOU

Heyyyyyyy..... I want to get that sandwich that you used to have? I think it’s on the Secret Menu now? I can’t remember the name of it but I know it comes with a sauce I don’t like so can I sub it for ranch instead? And can you make that on a gluten-free wrap? And grill it, but I don’t want it crispy?