You just described Nick Denton

He’d probably feel more comfortable if Tim Salmon had done so first.

I know. But how will I feel superior to other commenters if I don’t reference an obscure person that they’re then forced to look up in order to get my stupid joke?

Take out California and its practically a dead-heat.

Had Elizabeth run I could have cast a vote for a nationalist, a populist, a thoughtful and honorable person who carries with her no sense of superiority or pretension.

Or at least allow him to go to the clubhouse every day like Drake Laroche.

The underdog story of how a little known kid from a community college got drafted by the Dallas Cowboys.

Goddamnit, those backward fucks DO NOT deserve to have an In N Out.

LOL! They know that their fan base is stupid, why even bother.

Trump thought that was a Russian flag so he left it in.

You gotta stop using sound reasoning and logic with these morons man.

The NFL did start requiring players to wear thigh and knee pads to be worn by all players starting with the 2013 season. I’d imagine part of that was hoping to slow stuff down a little bit, though I’d guess it was as much about helping Nike advertise their padded gear. It certainly wasn’t because the NFL was concerned…

The parents who did that to baby also gave the baby a “bedazzled” pacifier! Somehow those two things make sense together (Trumpian aesthetics).

Sorry, you are right, I meant to say that people with the mental capacity of a baby are still his strongest demographic.

I feel bad about the hair but worse that it's probably named Jysyn or some shit

“Punkrock alien baby has a sequined Trump pacifier” is a sentence I never thought I’d type.

I find it unseemly to dance on the graves of your opponents, but what the hell, I’ve got 3 daughters:

This is a magnificent obituary and is exactly how she deserves to be memorialized.

Learn your routes, Sam.