Every time I tell my kids "No" I feel like a better parent. It also makes me feel like a Benevolent Mommy Deity when I actually say "Yes."

PEAR! I like to give kids the benefit of the doubt and mebbe they got excited over a Harry & David catalog and...

Brave woman.

Did the troll have many heads? Because I had to draw a many-headed troll and I gave up after three heads because where are you going to put the rest of them?

There was a movie? I was actually just referring to traditional Norwegian folklore. I had to do a whole bunch of research on the subject and learned that the scariness of a troll is directly related to its number of heads. The more you know.

Respect.

Putting stuff in purses is exciting because it means she isn't putting the stuff in her mouth.

Uh, dude, true trolls are Norwegian, have several heads, and eat kids. Duh.

My kid loves her purse. It's where she puts her extensive collection of rocks, dried grass, and twigs. In other news, don't give nice things to kids.

This is my second time being eight months pregnant in August. We have proven that being Jewish at Christmastime doesn't have to be boring.

Particularly because you don't know what is going to come out of your bizness towards the end of the pregnancy (besides a baby). Making humans is messy work.

If I may add: Pregnancy Panties. The more frayed the elastic, the better, because buying special pregnancy underwear is just another useless expense when you can just run your largest, fugliest panties into the ground. Pregnancy panties, I salute you, and cannot wait for the glorious day when I finally toss you in the…

MY FORMERLY BEAUTIFUL LOVELY BRAIN IS ALL TWITCHY NOW.

Oh man. Roz Joel used to live up the street from us and would give new businesses in town signed glossies of Billy (which she would sign), and if you raked her leaves or shoveled her walk she'd give you a CD of his greatest hits. Or sometimes Gershwin. RIP, Roz.

Grease II reference: respect.

Good god. This makes me want to target all of my male feminist friends and family members and go on a rampant hugging spree.

I have a daughter, and I just have the overwhelming urge to raise her to be a ninja, because just being smart and funny and brave and generous isn't going to cut it.

No, I'm asking you as a teacher and as a human being not to marginalize the term "Nazi." It's a reasonable request and it does make sense.

I realize we're all piling on you, but please don't use the phrase "grammar Nazi". Or "logarithm Nazi". It's not helpful.

Look, I made my own award, too!