Notice that I said experience, not buy.

you ever try to buy nice art

I am really into art, but when people take the art form and turn it into something that only the ultra-wealthy can experience, it really bothers me. Art is meant to express new ideas and spread them across the world. Limiting it to the ultra-wealthy is basically trickle-down art, meaning that 99.99% of people will…

god damn it! Does this mean I have to get rid of this?

When I see a master chef, all I see is a man or woman who will continually try and fail to come up with something better than the double cheeseburger.

“i understand thats what partisan litigants might say” is the new “i’m sorry that you were offended by what i did.”

Shhhhh...

You actually have to refrigerate most store bought eggs in the US. They wash them before packaging them and it removes a protective layer of oil that keeps them from spoiling.

wonder what would make you lose your train of thought like that

wow. someone’s in the pocket of big danish.

In case of Splash Brother landing, your interviewer’s cushiony next question can be used as a floatation device.

Counterpoint - Chicken Tikka Masala is an English creation and one of the most delicious things ever. Of course, it was created by an Indian immigrant...

“The word Raptor even means bird of prey...”

This take is bad and you’re a bad person.

Machado was born in Florida, genius.

i don’t trust you

Dare I say it, but the kid in #4 sounds quite considerate all things considered...

I don’t have kids but I can tell you of the worst kid-messes I’ve seen in almost a decade of working at a car dealership. Warning: poop and vomit ahead.

Took my little girl to see Dory last summer. As a condition of getting her popcorn for the movie she had to finish her grilled cheese for dinner first.

Not really surprised the general public hasn’t equated police settlements with tax dollars and started holding these departments accountable for their behavior. Unless someone in the government literally pickpockets a 20 from them and hands it directly to a brutalized minority I really don’t see anyone giving a shit.…