It’s the Jenna Maroney/John Snow method. Always try to look like your whole brain is slightly out of focus and your nose is too stuffy.

Madonna has now entered Cher territory (Cherittory?). That was a worse version of Cher’s Turn Back Time body stocking. AND she didn’t even have the grace to tattoo or otherwise decorate her cheeks.

I just “pinned” the runway image of this dress to my “unattainable embroidery dreams” board the other day, its SO MUCH BETTER out in the “wild.” Nicole is giving you some like, Hecate sparkle goodness.

The sculptural element on the first gown’s skirt and the shaped bodice make it like, A++ would steal and swan about in over a visually similar silhouette

Her role in Stardust would have been improved ENDLESSLY by the simple inclusion of this gown. (Charlie Cox’s super freaking cute face made it tolerable, as did ID’ing the various dead princes from other roles). But do you hear that sound? Like, a puppy slipping on a wood floor combined with frantic typing? That’s the…

Plot summary and Youtube trailer, I do not think I could make it through that film without barf/crying. My relatives asked why I never went into “real research” and I had to find a delicate way to explain that puking into a trash can while crying over what everyone else around your views as a routine procedure…

I was so, so blissfully unaware that this film existed and now I’m like SUPER close to openly weeping at work. I did exactly 3 months of work in vertebrate research before I was like “OH MY GOD I AM THE BEHIND THE SCENES MONSTER IN SECRET OF NIMH!”

Lest we forget:

I had the BEST time at the San Diego zoo, which my husband knew was like 50% of my motivation to go meet his family for the first time. For two reasons - we got to go on a really quiet and cool day so all the animals were living it up. AND a small family of 5 absorbed me and my husband into their retinue because I…

OBVIOUS JOKE TIME: At least it wasn’t Becky!

But for real, there are so many super cool Indonesian names they could have given these tigers. What boring MF’ers were like ‘Yeah, give them some regular ass names like you see on your least favorite middle managers desk name plate if you worked at a Wisconsin based finance…

We really do need the help. Badly. If we are left to our own devices I’m pretty sure English will just devolve into gibberish interspersed with “mc” and “like” and we all know that calling someone “Jerky McJerkson” or whatnot is the whitest, teenageriest late 90's way to chuck an insult. The worst part is white people…

I feel like the Two Constantines are perfect examples of what happens when you try to do it “by the book” (as much as you can for TV) or you take it in a weirder, artsier direction for a comic book film. People were STOKED about the TV Constantine - he had the accent, the look, the outfit, the whole 9, but the show…

First: Mmm. Pedro Pascal. Yes, that would do very nicely. He’s a redonkulously attractive man and I enjoyed the shit out of his performance in GoT. I’ve passed Peak Cumbersnooch and Hiddleston, I’m actually sort of annoyed at the prospect of “having” to see him on my screen for another season of Sherlock. Love…

OH GOD WE DO THAT! Very few people ever point it out to you, yeah, I say things like “hoed on na’!” But it’s true. Columbus is the worst (but the German town is aweeesommmeee), and that’s saying something considering Cincy’s moving into the worst version of gentrification I could have imagined. Overpriced condos right…

Truth! People in general are always surprised to find out I am from Cincinnati with a moderately thick Southern accent courtesy of my fresh out of Appalachia family with the Cincy downtown twist (ie: what people might conflate with a faux blaccent when a small white girl speaks). This guys sounds like pretty much any…

I commented on a friend’s FB page convo about this dumb casting move asking if there was some unwritten rule that a futuristic/vaguely heroey/action movie these days gives you two casting options for female lead: Charlize Theron or Scar-Jo, and could they not have found even ONE established or up and coming Asian…

I feel like I was unequipped to “bride” despite my generally ruthlessly organized personality. I am at heart, both lazy and cheap when it comes to most things. Courthouse, show up on time, wear that tiara headband I never get to wear, eat some food with relatives. Donezo. That was how we both wanted to do our shit and…

Does it count if you uh...liberated your flowers from the curbside gardens of your MUCH fancier neighbors because you were too cheap to drop 200 bucks or whatever on an actual florist bouquet of peonies?