man.. i love how... errrmm.. they have really... uhhh.. bong rip. 

this is why i only grow gummi bears

kind of rude from the President imo

As someone living in WNY with the “QB 1 Peterman!” memories so fresh in my brain, I love that deluded Bills fans will be forever reminded as Peterman has become the go-to standard on incompetence.

i mean, the steelers missed the playoffs last year, and the chiefs lost a close game to the patriots in the afc champtionship. would having kareem hunt or lev bell had helped those teams accomplish more? i’d argue yes.

I think you mean 2021 Divisional Round playoff game. 

New Jack City was a movie about cocaine, while Highlander III: The Sorcerer and Solo were movies because cocaine.

Springer’s condition has been variously described as being between walking it off and rubbing dirt in it.  

Yeah, it’s fucking hilarious right up until one of the host’s cats, who the host bought in when there weren’t enough players, “chooses” 3-3 and 0-0 and wins three of the four squares. 

To be honest, this whole question of “using a Kleenex properly” has me questioning my technique, and everything else I thought I knew about life.

If _your_ dog poops, then pick that shit up. Bring some poop bags with you when you take your good boy for a walk. If you’re out for a walk and see someone else’s dogshit on a lawn, you have my express permission to think “What a colossal asshole that guy was” and keep walking.

You deserve more stars for this honesty

In terms of spelling out words a lot I can only think of three: P-A-R-K, R-I-D-E and W-A-L-K. The dog knows what’s up. 

+1 tub of vasoline

“Brenda, this party is really dying. UNLEASH THE KITTENS!!!”

Always.

Your problem is that you have a competitive relationship with the turkey. You and the turkey should be teammates on Thanksgiving, not adversaries. 

Jones also added, “Eli Manning is still one of the NFL’s best quarterbacks and should be starting for the Giants for many years to come.”

The Super Bowl was so boring that people at the party didn't even stop talking through the commercials. The hosts had locked away their kittens but let them out at halftime to entertain us because the game sure wasn't getting the job done. 

“It’s because he’s an ENCHANTER.”