Many of these were very good drinks, or at least that is what some would say.

Two nuts and an FBI agent walk into a bar....

Welp... that’s better than anything I could have come up with.

“mysterious bun trouble” is usually more Taco Bell-related, in my experience

“Whenever I have a problem... I throw a Molotov Cocktail... and then I have a different problem.”

Weird to see my town on The Takeout. :) We hardly ever get hurricanes where we are in the direct path of it. There have been maybe three in the 32 years I’ve lived here. However, I think the Pavlovian response of people buying beer every time Matt Devitt and Jim Farrell say a hurricane is coming our way would be great.

Nope. Because you have to pay for an Uber. Which means you’ll have less money to spend when you’re at your destination.

If you live in California, you could either:

My company has a corporate staffer who finds us potential candidates for unfilled positions, and every time they show up it’s with a tray of Panera Bread pastries. I do not have enough good things to say about the wonder that is Panera Bread pastries, I’ll just say we never have nearly enough open positions for the…

My wife worked for a company that had quarterly lunch meetings with pizza. The pizza reported the quarterly results and predicted how the meeting would go; if you walked in and the pizza had toppings it was a good quarter and the meeting would be pleasant, if you walked in and the pizza was plain cheese the quarter…

“but I’m on a diet” - Angie

Hmm, I would vote for him if he either:

It was part of the 4-pass loop in Colorado. We started at the Maroon Bells section. It’s one of the prettiest hikes in the country. And you can bring the dog!

“I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee...Now I use Amazon’s Alexa to visit the online world I once traveled in”

That’s terrible, but I do sometimes wonder how difficult it is to provide healthy food, logistically, after a disaster. Feeding myself without overloading on sodium is a challenge, I couldn’t imagine warehousing, stockpiling, and delivering shelf-stable food that isn’t loaded with sodium.

And now, an exclusive extract:

This biography of Mike Reiss came out awfully quickly, it’s not even about him! Inside it’s mostly about Ross Perot and the last two chapters are excerpts from the Oliver North trial.

That’s a risk I would be willing to take. Unlike Macron, Merkel, Trudeau and Obama!

If I were the leader of a country, and I wanted to show everybody how powerful I was, I would totally order the top scientists and spaceforcers to create a canon that would launch me to the moon.

Who goes to Starbucks for the coffee?  The bathrooms is where it’s at.