But does it have Vitamin R?

“You assholes are always complaining about drivers only taking left turns, so fine! We’ve taken away ALL the turns! ARE YOU HAPPY?!”

I haven’t gotten around to looking for the widespread outrage from the conservative community about this clear violation of free speech, but I’m sure it crashed a few servers.

White pizza is the worst kind.

Perhaps that and “desiccated squeak toy”?

Spielberg solved this problem by replacing all Star Wars references with ones from his favorite Atari 2600 game - Custer’s Revenge.

Does that mean we’re losing Sean? I’d respect his decision to get back into acting, but I’d really hate to see him go.

I never seem to have pickle juice when I’m hungover. Largely because I use it as a chaser for Jameson, which, oddly enough, seems to be part of the reason I get hangovers.

There lies a beef-flipping bot

Just realized I can more or less trace my personal history by what I eat for hangovers. University: raw egg, then three mile run. (If the egg stays down, you’ll be fine.) First job: five McD’s hash browns, five diet cokes. First good job: shakshuka, focaccia, ristretto. Current job: white rice with raw egg and soy, 1L…

Nope:

I thought it was the fish!

It’s okay, it was an organic, free-range, gluten-free, heritage, non-GMO spider.

Mueller is the Hawk. Trump is the pigeon. The Trashcan is America.

Was there supposed to be some kind of argument that food waste was only happening because people were morally bankrupt? As though evil people purposely throw food away to “own the libs” or something?

The point is that it doesn’t take all that much extra care and planning to ensure that food isn’t wasted, and that the…

“who has hiked in six contestants”

Scientologists prefer L. Ron Eagle.

CBS Broadcaster, Ian Eagle.

I went to high school with someone who I’m pretty sure joined the Air Force due to that Van Halen video.