I don’t get paid extra the days I come in early but coming in early on certain days is factored into my salary.  

I have to say the Raiders exhibit an almost total lack of understanding of how to get the best from talented people.

Oh, but I do.

Yahoo only lets you sign up for ten fantasy teams, but that is per email. If you just get more email addresses, you can keep signing up. I got 60 teams!

He looks so weird without a hoodie.

It is nice they can light up the page clicks without taking a hit to their integrity.

Hey look, my house is on the news!

I knew three day old dog shit, and you Federer are no three day old dog shit.

C-A-M-P

I did not learn to properly use a Kleenex until I was thirteen.

You thinking more gravy?

Strategic kitten reserves are a staple of any good party.

I also twisted my ankle playing against turkey once on Thanksgiving.

As a Lions fan I can take solace in the fact that we scored as many touchdowns in the Super Bowl as the Rams.

What a coincidence, I am looking at porno right now.

Brian Flores can get you a great vig on the over under.

Elliot should show up to games and watch from the Salvation Army Kettle.

Sausage eats buns.

This team signs kicker eleven.

Boo fucking hiss. Take your star and get out.