Paul Ryan doesn’t check that voicemail. Fuck calling him, just donate directly to Planned Parenthood. Help the cause and spare yourself talking to some intern.

Back-back-back-bwck-GONE! “Have a bowl of” Chili Davis!

Don’t put it on the door. I did that once and some fuckface stole my jacket. Maybe the sidewall of the stall is a better option?

I’ve never really been a hardcore gamer and my library of games is pretty sad. But as my sons have gotten into it, it’s something that we share together. It’s usually a simple thing like Mario on the Wii U, or more recently, getting my butt kicked in Rocket League, but we have fun together and enjoy our time playing.

Guess being garbage is a step up, huh?

Why are you on Deadspin during the fights, Mr. Goldberg?

Ohio gets another championship, but in hockey!

Chris Gatling is one I remembered.

Felix Fermin.

Waterslide or roller coaster?

Cheap way out of his contract is to have the Mets pay that.

Minnesota?

Do you sell hubcaps for a ‘72 Pinto Hatchback?

And I thought ESPN had graphics on too much of the screen.

R-I-B-S! Ribs, ribs, ribs!

Gophers are good at digging holes.

Ashley and I have similar food ideas. I knew I liked her.

Looks like Mr. Red is carrying on Marge Schott’s legacy.

An arrest is an odd thing to Bragg about.