As a Canadian, I find that insulting. Some of us born in this country are of proud yam stock.

Yes. It’s real.

There’s a reason his wife was found along the side of a highway weeping.

Maybe we’ll finally stop ignoring the reality that all GOP politicians are harvested from fundamentalist potato farms.

Around here we call them “Stephen Harpers”.

Can you imagine what life is like for her? Knowing that was once in her vagina?

I’m pretty sure he’s made of Pink Slime. He totally looks like a meat-based puppet.

I work with a guy who has this same delivery and it’s like everything is rehearsed. All of his stories are to the word exactly the same, every time he tells them. Same inflection, same pauses. Dude has ZERO self awareness, and I’m sure does this believing this makes him likable, but it really just makes him seem like…

Papa Cruz.

Ted Cruz, your mother doesn’t want to be there. Let the poor woman go.

Is he capable of speaking without it sounding like he’s acting? I’ve seen more convincingly natural performances in high school theater. I know that all candidates are putting on a show to a degree, but his constantly cloying delivery is really troubling. I genuinely suspect that he’s a psychopath, in the technical…

Exactly, but her mother tongue is English, I think.

I find this shocking, as I was certain Ted Cruz was a russet potato born of potato parents.

ayyy dios mio

Think of somewhere in the continental USA that you consider really cold. Really cold. Anywhere.

Okay, this has got to stop.

The facts seem to be missing from this story.

Oh god no, no, no. #Nannygate has reached jezebel now?
No. I refuse.

I’d love to move to Canada but a) they won’t let me in (the visa process is daunting), and b) I’m too scared to come out from under my bed in the U.S. It's fucking scary here.