School zones are, like, 15mph. Try NOT to speed in 15mph zone! I can't even COAST at 15!!

That time in college when I was living in the dorms, and a friend and I smoked up in my room while burning copious amounts of incense. My room was either next to the RA’s room or just a couple of rooms down. As my friend and I left (with sports bottles filled with — of all things — Ballatore) to go see a campus…

Yeah, but have you ever had your lice-infested scalp combed out... ON WEED?

I, by contrast, spent this afternoon with my nearest and dearest getting our hair combed out at the lice place after the kids’ school kicked them out on the first day because nits. It was surprisingly fun.

Smoking weed made someone drive fast?

Beautiful!

right?

porn consumption rates are between 50% and 99% among men and 30% to 86% among women

I dunno, I know people who still go, and have been going for years, and you can avoid the corporate BS pretty easily from what they tell me. There are 60k people there, only a handful are rich assholes.

man festivals can be really cool and fun minus the casual, ubiquitous cultural appropriation (don’t judge me, i happen to be a fan of weird people). but why do they all have to be eventually cannabilized and commercialized

#NotAllSeminoles

Two reasons to Do the Right Thing: 1) It’s the right thing; 2) Others can be inspired to do right things.

Forget about this story, why won’t anyone report on the apparent spree of people placing onions in front of commenters? Is it a prank? A gift? Some form of terrorism? What of the dust storms that are now plaguing offices? Are they natural, a byproduct of climate change? Some manmade HAARP style phenomenon?

Are we sure Travis Rudolph goes to Florida State? Florida State? Florida State? Bobby Bowden, Deion Sanders, Jameis Winston, etc? Tomahawk Chop, crab legs, sexual assault, etc? Are you sure? Is he sure?

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

I actually just watched this show for the first time this week. When I was in college my friends and I watched broken up YouTube versions of Flavor of Love and Rock of Love and I think that shaped my opinion of what reality TV should be.

He was the runner up, right? Was he not? I don’t remember a lot of them, you’re right.

I was actually shocked. Because of the unfamiliar facial hair I thought it was Robbie and was bored for three seconds until I freaked out. It explains why he’s been getting the Redemption Edit on BiP (the finest piece of television trash I have ever seen). I didn’t realize he was the “Why did you make love to me if…

I don’t get the alleged sexual magnetism. He’s like someone gave a ferret a fake beard and a Vineyard Vines gift card.

Oh god. This is going to be hilarious. Nick has no chill and no discretion, and the contestants are going to really put their acting skills to work to seem like they actually want a ring from a guy who apparently has a lot of sexual magnetism but who I can't imagine anyone wanting to marry.