Her race ended in tears.

The "falling out" was actually the floor beneath Mike's dining room table collapsing beneath them during dessert. The ensuing shame then drove them apart.

Embarrassing story time: I met a girl at a party when I was a sophomore and thought that I had a chance with her (at this point I had been girlfriendless). So I called her, asked her to a football game, got a yes and hung up, ect. ect. Then I got nervous that she didn't know it was a date. So I called her back to make…

The worst part of this was the chance that her DAD would answer the phone and 14 year old me would have to chat with him. God that was awful.

As someone who's had this happen wearing boxers and slacks, and felt warm piss somehow magically hit me mid-calf, I've found that one way to help alleviate the problem is to almost walk in place in a very small scale before you do your final shake and pull him back in. This maneuver seems to kick that surprise urine…

Nope!

Love my Llama. Been using it for 3 yrs. So automatic, I forget I have it. 10 out of 5 starts.

Thank you, Pope of Humour, you may go back to your ablutions now.

Not because I was heavily invested in AIG...just because that was the day I found out I had herpes.

I wholeheartedly second the love for Llama. It's a wonderful app, especially if (like me) you don't want to delve into the world of Tasker.

"D'ya have a good sarsparilla?"

Andy Reid would save 10 penalties a game and forget to use them all.

This was found in Ryan Braun's locker after the game.

I hear they make great going away presents.

The funeral procession consists of a single car.

no....Michelle Obama

I miss the days when Boston bar fights ended with Matt Damon quoting the history of agriculture.

"I just got engaged, so I'm in that period where I get to imagine how kickass everyone will say my wedding is without having to do any actual planning yet."