I'm a bad person because my roommate is going to be testifying at LiLo's trial and I am REALLY EXCITED about that, even though he's pissed off as hell that he's now a part of the media circus. I just want details! And I will be getting them in exchange for a bottle of Bulleit Rye.

Well, this explains my unhindered and stellar progression in academia.

True story: I used the ladies' room after Sara Gilbert at the Daily Caffe (RIP) in New Haven back in 1994. I sat in Sara Gilbert's peedrops. It was disgusting, yet somewhat magical. STARDROPS!

Shortly after my now ex-husband and I met, I had to move out of my otherwise wonderful flat due to living in a real-life version of Single White Female. I was desperate to find anywhere to live that was fairly central and a short commute to work, so I did what you never should do: take the first place that comes…

I just decided to stop giving a shit if my clothes have or not. Much cheaper and more cost-effective! However, I do have a steamer for the absolutely must-be-neat moments in life. Like when I sit down to gorge on an entire season of Pretty Little Liars with a tub of Kozy Shack rice pudding.

My last name is a double-barrelled creation that merges the last names of Mr Crumpet #1 and Mr Crumpet #2, both of whom are now exes. I've had more than a few people who should know better (I AM LOOKING AT YOU MOTHER) tell me that as neither of these men are my spouse, I should ditch it, since obviously it's an…

I was told by my fourth grade teacher, "Anger is unattractive. Smile more and shout less." I decided that that was probably never going to happen and kept up my sullen/shouty thing until I was about 25, when I started being more smiley/shouty. The shouty is fun!

Honestly, the pool gets better the older and quirkier you are. This town is full of smart, cute, funny men who hate Ed Hardy. I had my pick of them for a while, until I found my awesome dude two years ago. He's a Korean-American punk rock guitarist/software developer from Memphis with a mohawk and a big beard who…

Having emerged from a year of whoring it up at the Hotel Whoreifornia (residency: July 2010-June 2011) here in LA, I can only guess Issa and I were dating in different pools.* I was 37 and newly separated, and totally freaking out because I thought who the fuck decent would date ME in LA? I'm a slightly pudgy weirdo…

Represent! I will admit to being deeply chuffed last week when the woman at the checkout told me, after asking to see my ID, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it." I put it down to good genes, no kids and using sunblock every day for 25 years.

40 in 3 months. And I am a 100% hothotfirecrackerhot 40 who feels in no way old. I'm still flexible and regularly get mistaken for 28 and have disdain for the olds and the only time I feel decrepit and about to rage against the dying of the light is when children proclaim they are old. It's in those moments I grab the…

I call it the mothership. It's soothing and provocative and fun and anxiety-inducing all in one, much like my relationship with my mother.

Honestly, his being Asian wasn't part of the equation at all. He came over on a big motorcycle, took off his helmet to reveal a mohawk and a big beard ("I'm Asian and I can grow a beard — so of course I have a beard"), then cooked me filet mignon for dinner and poured champagne down my gullet. It was a good first…

White girlfriend of Asian man here — the secret is, as YukaCL says, "don't be a fucking asshole." Works great for us!

There's something I find vaguely comforting about seeing that Denise Van Outen is even slightly still relevant, or at least relevant enough to show up at the Brits.