Here’s how my day has gone: woke up at 2:30 AM, get to the airport at 3:30.
It’s one of my few skills in life.
He’ll love jazz or he’ll die trying, damn it.
I maybe just did some pot and two lines of coke. FML
How slightly more than 50% of respondents interpreted that question.
I rented a U-Haul Sprinter(?) to pick up antiques, because antiques are life and I’m ambiguously straight like that. I’ve never had a van before. It was pretty sweet. If driving a pickup was an 8/10 experience, this was a 9/10. I really had to fight the urge to see if I could roll it.
I’ve never been quite so happy in my life.
My mom sent me this. I told her that I thought it was either a spark plug, fuel filter, or cat. But I’m an idiot. What do you think?
I drink too much. No one should ever keep a reserve of cricket knowledge just in case they have to talk cricket in a bar.
I have never experienced such pure joy in my life.
It felt weird. I’m a very conscientious driver, but in the back of my mind, I was like, “fuck you all. Come at me mother fucker, I’m merging this shit. Your Miata? I wouldn’t even notice that until I washed this thing and found you there.”
And internally you’re screaming “OF COURSE IT’S JUDY FUCKING GARLAND” but you don’t want to say that out loud, because taking a correcting people about Judy Garland could be awkward in a strang bar.
Older man: “Where you from, son?”
It’s been so long since I’ve been carded that I didn’t even think about it. My hotel bar closed. I brought cash and an Amex card to another bar in case I got rolled.
In college I dated a woman. It’s a long story and worthy of its own story. Anyway.
The husband just wants to watch bowling, but the wife keeps grabbing him and saying stuff like “talk to our new friends. You’re rude.”
I’m surrounded by couples and I’m two beers away from calling it a night. What’s up with you?